Buffy TRANSCRIPT

 

Lovers Walk

3x08 - Episode #042

written by Dan Vebber

directed by David Semel

originally aired December 1, 1998

 

NB: The content of this transcript, including the characters and the story, belongs to Mutant Enemy. This transcript was created based on the broadcast episode.

 

Originally transcribed by Alexander Thompson.

 

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". They were created by Joss Whedon and belong to him, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Television, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television and the WB Television Network.

This is not a novelization or a script. It is a straightforward and dry transcript of the episode. It also includes descriptions of the settings, action scenes and camera movements where I felt they were needed.

I made every effort to accurately transcribe the dialogue from this episode. If you notice anything that is transcribed incorrectly, please let me know and I will post an update.

 

PROLOGUE:

 

In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.

 

Morning at Sunnydale High School. Willow and Xander slowly walk together across the lawn toward the walkway to the main entrance. In their hands they have the results of their Scholastic Aptitude Tests, with which neither is particularly happy.

 

Willow:  This is a nightmare. This is... My world is spinning.

 

Xander:  It's not that bad, Willow, really.

 

Willow:  740? Verbal?! I'm-I'm... (searches for a word) pathetic! Illiterate! I'm Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel.

 

Xander:  (shrugs) That's right. And the fact that your 740 verbal closely resembles my combined scores in no way compromises your position as the village idiot.

 

They fold up their score reports as they near a bench at the side of the

walkway.

 

Willow:  I just... (sits and slouches, depressed) Where did I go wrong?

 

Xander sits down next to her and puts his arm around her in comfort, but not missing the opportunity to give her hair a gentle stroke.

 

Xander:  You did amazing, Willow. As usual.

 

Behind them Oz and Cordelia approach.

 

Cordelia:  You guys get your scores?

 

Xander instantly lets go of Willow, hops to his feet and rushes to meet her.

 

Xander:  Cordelia! (points) Willow was very sad by her academic failure. (reaches for Cordelia's score report) How did you do?

 

He snags it from her hand, unfolds it and reads it.

 

Xander:  This is not good.

 

Cordelia:  What's not good?

 

Oz gives Willow a reassuring stroke of her hair. She just sadly hands him her report to see.

 

Xander:  Well, I'm just worried it may hurt my standing as campus stud when people find out I'm dating a brain.

 

Cordelia:  (yanks her scores from his hand) Please. I have *some* experience in covering these things up.

 

Oz:  (to Willow) Well, I can see why you'd be upset.

 

Willow gives him a hurt look, grabs her report back from him and looks down at the ground, her feelings of failure evident in her furrowed brow.

 

Oz:  That was my sarcastic voice.

 

Xander:  You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice.

 

Oz:  I've been told that. (trying to be upbeat) But we should celebrate, do something.

 

Cordelia:  Like, the four of us?

 

She gives Xander a pointed look, shaking her head and clearly mouthing "No". He ignores her completely.

 

Xander:  A double date! It could have potential.

 

Buffy walks up the steps from the street, a long look on her face, and joins the gang.

 

Willow:  (brightens and stands up) Buffy! Hey! Did you get your SAT scores?

 

Buffy gives her a weak nod.

 

Xander:  By the look on your face, I'm guessing you and I are gonna be manning the drive-through window side by side.

 

Buffy:  They're just test scores, right? (hands hers to Willow) What do they really mean, anyway?

 

Willow:  (unfolds it and reads) (very excited) 1430! Buffy, you kicked ass!

 

Buffy raises her eyebrows at her friend. Cordelia's eyes go wide with amazement.

 

Willow:  (more calmly) Okay, (folds the report) so academic achievement gets me a little excited.

 

Buffy hands her scores to Xander for him to see.

 

Xander:  Buff, that's amazing.

 

Cordelia:  Let me see that.

 

She yanks it out of Xander's hand before he can even begin to unfold it and checks it out.

 

Oz:  Yeah. With scores like that, you can apply pretty much anywhere you want.

 

Willow:  Buffy, this could, like, change your whole future.

 

Buffy:  (unsure what to make of it) The thought had occurred to me.

 

Xander:  Then why the sour puss?

 

Buffy:  I don't know. I guess... my future. I never really thought about it. I wasn't even sure I was going to have one.

 

Cordelia:  (smiling hugely) Well, I think this is great! Now you can leave and never come back!

 

She gets looks from everyone. Xander hands Buffy back her scores.

 

Cordelia:  Well, I mean that in a positive way. Get out of Sunnydale. That's a good thing. What kind of moron would ever wanna come back here?

 

Cut to a small park and playground that night. A classic 1958 Dodge Desoto FireFlite crashes through the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign and screeches to a halt. The door opens and a nearly empty liquor bottle falls out and smashes to pieces on the pavement. Spike slides off of his seat and hits the street flat on his back on top of the broken glass, drunk out of his mind. He lifts his head unsteadily and tries to raise himself to his elbows.

 

Spike:  Home, sweet... (chuckles) home.

 

He passes out and collapses back to the pavement.

 

Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.

 

 

Spike's old burned-out factory. The place is a shambles, although the great table where Giles started the fire is essentially intact, if scorched. Spike strolls through the area, stepping over the strewn chairs, while singing a few bars from "My Way".

 

Spike:  And more / Much more than this / I did it my way

 

Cut to the bedroom in the basement. Spike comes hopping merrily down the stairs.

 

Spike:  Drusilla! I'm home!

 

When he reaches the bottom he breaks out into a pathetic fit of giggles which quickly turn to sobs. He sniffs a few times and wipes his nose on his sleeve. He sees what's left of the burned bed and steps up to it, steadying himself on a pillar. In despair he tosses his liquor bottle onto the bed and steps around the column. From there he sees those members of Drusilla's doll collection that didn't survive the fire piled on her dresser, all badly scorched. He reaches for one and picks it up. The features on its fine porcelain face can still be made out, but the paint, hair and dress are long gone. He stares at the doll intensely.

 

Spike:  Why did you do it, baby? Why did you leave me? We were happy here.

 

He tries to suppress a sob and shakes it off, and suddenly he's wearing his game face. He roars at the doll angrily and throws it hard down at the concrete floor. He spins around, looking for something to smash it with. He finds a tall iron candlestick, grabs it and wields it back.

 

Spike:  YOU... (swings the candlestick) STUPID... (swings again) WORTHLESS... (swings again) BITCH! (calms a bit) Look what you've done to me.

 

He stares down at what's left of the doll, its delicate porcelain features smashed and scattered, limbs torn and singed. He drops the iron candlestick on top of it.

 

Cut to Cordelia's locker in the halls at school. She is getting what she needs for class while Xander tries to talk her into the double date thing.

 

Xander:  C'mon. It'll be fun!

 

Cordelia:  I don't know. I just thought we were gonna do something... you know, classy?

 

Xander:  What's classier than bowling?

 

Cordelia:  (raises her eyebrows at him) Apart from everything ever? Let's see...

 

Xander:  Oz and Willow are down. You're the swing vote. (skips around to her other side) I guarantee fun.

 

Cordelia can't help but give him a warm smile and giggle. From his new vantage point Xander can now see the inside of her locker door.

 

Xander:  Hey, those are from the pier.

 

There are three pictures of them. One of the two of them sitting on a bench with their arms around each other and smiling, another of just Xander sporting a huge smile, and the third of her riding on Xander's back, smiling playfully with her arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

 

Cordelia:  Yeah. Uh, I just got them developed.

 

Xander:  (not yet sure what to make of it) There's pictures. Of me. In your locker. I never knew I was locker door material.

 

She closes her locker, and they begin walking down the hall.

 

Cordelia:  Well... just barely. Besides, (smiles) I look really cute in those pictures.

 

They meet Oz and Willow coming the other way.

 

Oz:  Hey. So what's the verdict? Do we bowl?

 

Xander gives Cordelia a pleading look.

 

Cordelia:  (gives in) We bowl.

 

Willow:  Great! Double bowling date. (pats Oz's chest) I'm on Oz's team.

 

Xander:  Yeah? Well, (points at Oz) prepare to be crushed. (takes Cordelia's arm) Maybe we should practice.

 

Cordelia:  (nods) Yeah.

 

They go their separate ways again. Oz goes with Willow to her locker.

 

Willow:  They don't stand a chance. I'm really good. Or I used to be, (works her combination) when they had the inflatable things in the gutters.

 

She opens her locker door as Oz holds up something small wrapped in newspaper. She faces him and notices him holding it up to her.

 

Willow:  What's this? (takes it)

 

Oz:  It's a gift.

 

Willow:  (smiles) What's the occasion? (unwraps it)

 

Oz:  Pretty much *you* are.

 

Wrapped in the paper is a PEZ candy dispenser with a green witch's head on top, complete with red hair and black hat. Willow is very surprised and gives Oz a none-too-gentle slap on the left side of his chest.

 

Willow:  (excited) It's a little, uh, PEZ witch!

 

Oz:  It's kind of a theme present. Do you like it?

 

Willow:  (breathless) I like... I-I *more* than like. Oz, this is probably the sweetest... We have to find a little PEZ werewolf, so little PEZ witch can have a boyfriend.

 

Oz:  I don't think they make a werewolf PEZ. You might have to settle for a wacky cartoon dog.

 

Willow:  This is... just so thoughtful.

 

Oz:  Well, I think about you.

 

Willow:  (suddenly disappointed) Oh... I don't have anything to give you.

 

Oz:  (smiles at her) Yeah, you do.

 

He puts his hand on her shoulder briefly and then heads down the hall to class. Willow follows him with her gaze for a moment, her expression showing her worry about the levels of complexity this just added to her life. She looks down at the PEZ dispenser.

 

Cut to the library. Giles looks over Buffy's SAT score report while she plays with a contraption from Giles' huge pile of camping equipment and clothing laid out on the big table.

 

Giles:  Buffy, this is, this is remarkable.

 

Buffy:  So is this. (puts the thing down) Where is this retreat thingy, the Yukon? (reaches for something else)

 

Giles:  It's quite nearby, actually. (Buffy finds a compass) It's, um, it's the clearing at the top of Breaker's Woods.

 

Buffy opens the compass and sees that there is a mirror inside the lid. She quickly checks her hair.

 

Giles:  It's the site of some fascinating druidic rituals.

 

Buffy:  (closes the compass) Okay, but you're just going for a few days, right? (Giles takes the compass from her) I mean, you're not gonna settle there and grow crops or anything.

 

Giles:  (confused) What? Oh, my gear. No, no, this is, this is basic necessities.

 

Buffy:  Giles, you pack like me.

 

Giles:  (gives her a little smile) Here. (hands Buffy her scores) I suspect your mother will want to, uh, put it on the refrigerator.

 

Buffy:  (puts the report away) Yeah. She saw these scores, and her head spun around and exploded.

 

Giles:  (unsure what she meant) I-I've been on the Hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes?

 

Buffy:  Yes. She was happy.

 

Giles smiles in relief, and goes over to the cage.

 

Buffy:  She started with all this crazy talk about me going to college, maybe someplace else.

 

Inside the cage Giles pauses from pulling down a book.

 

Buffy:  I know. I know, I said that you were gonna have a goat. Responsibilities and all. I know the drill.

 

Giles:  She may be right. (comes back out of the cage)

 

Buffy:  Yeah, I know, I figured you'd...

 

She gives Giles a bewildered look.

 

Buffy:  Okay. Be kind, rewind.

 

Giles:  With scores like these, Buffy, you could have a first-rate education. I'm, I'm not suggesting that you... ignore your calling, but, um... you need to look to your future. (goes back to the table) And with Faith here, i-i-it may be that you can (draws a breath) move on. For a-a time, at least. (packs the book)

 

Buffy:  (unsure how to react) Wow.

 

Giles:  Well, let's, um, let's discuss it when I get back. I-in the meantime, um, I'd like you to continue training while I'm, while I'm gone, and, um, please don't do anything rash.

 

Buffy:  'Anything rash', meaning...

 

Giles:  (hesitates for an instant) Are you planning on seeing Angel?

 

Buffy:  Yes. Actually, I am. (Giles averts his eyes) Look, but there's not gonna be any rash. (realizes how that sounds and gets a look from Giles) Anywhere. (defensively) Okay. We're, we're friends. That's all either of us wants. (looks at Giles seriously) Nothing's gonna happen.

 

Cut outside. Willow and Xander come walking around the corner from the colonnade and through the breezeway.

 

Willow:  Something's gonna happen.

 

Xander:  Like what?

 

Willow:  Uh! It's a mistake! It's a terrible, fatal mistake. I see that now.

 

Xander:  It's just bowling.

 

They turn down a covered walkway.

 

Willow:  It's *bad* bowling. I-it's a double date, with all of us, and they're gonna know!

 

Xander:  How are they gonna know?

 

Willow:  It's a very intimate situation. It's all sexy with the smoke and the sweating and the shoe rental...

 

Xander:  You're turned on by rented shoes?

 

Willow:  That's not the issue.

 

They stop walking, and Xander faces her.

 

Xander:  Okay, well, let me ask you this: what are they gonna know? That we're friends. Old, old friends. And maybe we've had one or two indiscretions, but that's all past. Look. We're just very good friends who like to hang out, and can I kiss your earlobe?

 

Willow:  No! Well, okay. (jerks away) No! (holds up the dispenser) PEZ!

 

They both pause for a moment to calm down and think.

 

Xander:  Maybe bowling might be too much to handle. Man! (strokes her hair) I wish I wasn't so attracted to you. (takes a deep breath) I wish we could make it all stop.

 

Willow:  Any suggestions?

 

Cut to the kitchen at Buffy's house. She is making microwave popcorn. Her mother has her hands full of college brochures.

 

Joyce:  Carnegie Mellon has a wonderful design curriculum. Oh, and Brown University's history program is... You like history, right?

 

Buffy:  Could we talk about this another time? (gets a large bowl) All day it's been like, 'Congratulations! Go away.' (takes the bowl to the island)

 

Joyce:  That's not it. It's just you belong at a, a good old-fashioned college with, with keg parties and boys, not here with Hellmouths and vampires.

 

The microwave beeps.

 

Buffy:  Not really seeing the distinction.

 

She goes to get the bag of popcorn.

 

Joyce:  Y'know, you're always talking about how you wish you could lead a more normal life. Well, this is your chance!

 

Buffy:  Yeah, it's just not that simple. (takes the popcorn to the bowl) I have responsibilities. (opens the bag)

 

Joyce:  I know, I know, but I spoke with Mr. Giles, and he said...

 

Buffy:  ...that Faith could be Miss Sunnydale in the Slayer Pageant. I know. (dumps the popcorn into the bowl)

 

Joyce:  It's time to think about your future, Buffy, about your whole life. I mean, honestly, is there anything keeping you here?

 

Cut to Angel's mansion. He's sitting by the fireplace quietly reading "La Nausea", by Jean Paul Sartre. Spike spies on him, peering in between the boards that have been haphazardly nailed across the destroyed doorway to the atrium. Finally Angel closes his book, gets up and walks into a rear hallway. Spike gives him a drunken humph.

 

Spike:  (slurred) Yeah, you. You think I'm afraid of you?

 

He steps back from the boards, swaying unsteadily.

 

Spike:  We were happy! You brainwashed her. I could just...

 

He looks at his bottle and takes a long drink. When it's empty he tosses it aside in a huff.

 

Spike:  Yeah, I'll show *you* who's a cool guy. (starts to leave) You're goin' down.

 

In his drunkenness he trips over one of the flower beds, falls into it and passes out.

 

Cut to dawn. The first red rays of the sun appear over the hills and shine into the atrium. Spike lies in shadow, but his left hand is extended away from his body, and a beam of light nears it as the sun rises. Soon his hand is fully exposed to the light and it begins to smoke. A couple of seconds later it bursts into flame. The new light source shines into Spike's face, and he wakes and sees his hand aflame.

 

Spike:  Whoa!

 

He leaps to his feet and runs over to the fountain, screaming all the way. He holds his hands under it, but it's going at just a trickle. Quickly he bends down and jams his hand into the pool of water at its base, dousing the flames. No sooner is that problem gone than he realizes he's standing in shaded but direct sunlight, and he's beginning to smoke elsewhere. He pulls at his heavy overcoat, trying to shade his face, as he scrambles up the stairs and out of the atrium.

 

Cut to inside Spike's car. The rear driver's side door whips open and Spike dives in, right on top of a huge pile of empty beer cans, liquor bottles and other trash. He quickly slams the door shut and grabs a bottle from the front seat. He pulls the cork out with his teeth and pours a generous splash over his burned hand. He grunts loudly in pain and takes a good drink. The immediate emergency taken care of, he relaxes a bit and tries to catch his breath.

 

Spike:  This is just too much.

 

Cut to a small magic shop. The shopkeeper hears the rear door close and goes to investigate. There she finds Spike looking through one of her books.

 

Shopkeeper:  Did you come in through the back?

 

Spike:  Yeah. I need a curse.

 

Shopkeeper:  A what?

 

Spike:  (exasperated) A curse! Y'know, something nasty. Boils. I wanna give him boils all over his face. You know, dripping pustules. Let's really go for the gusto here.

 

Shopkeeper:  I'm hearing a lot of negative energy, and I bet...

 

Spike:  (interrupts) Leprosy! Alright, a spell that makes his parts fall off. That sounds proper.

 

Shopkeeper:  We don't carry... (the front door chimes) leprosy.

 

She turns to see Willow come in through the front door.

 

Shopkeeper:  Would you excuse me a moment?

 

She goes to help her new customer.

 

Shopkeeper:  Blessed be. Anything in particular I can help you find?

 

Willow:  Yeah. (holds up her notepad) It's all here on the list. (reads down the list) Skink root, essence of rose thorn, canary feathers...

 

Shopkeeper:  Aha! (smiles) A love spell. Want that old lover to come back to you? (Spike is suddenly interested in their conversation) Are you sure you know what you're doing, hon?

 

Willow:  (flustered) No. Oh, I mean, yes! I... I know how to do a love spell, but this is more of an anti-love spell. Yeah. Uh, kind of a de-lusting. The supplies are basically the same, right?

 

Shopkeeper:  (smiles) Basically. (starts to gather things) Although raven feathers tend to breed a little more discontent than canary. Let me just get some things...

 

She gathers some bags of herbs, jars of root powders, a feather and whatever else and brings them all to the counter. Spike watches intently from behind the bookcase.

 

Shopkeeper:  Okay. Mm-hmm. (adds it up) That'll be $15.80 for the lot.

 

She bags it all while Willow pulls out her money.

 

Willow:  Thanks!

 

She takes the bag and leaves. The shopkeeper turns her attention back to Spike and walks back to where she left him.

 

Shopkeeper:  (smiling) So, did you find a spell book?

 

Spike jumps out from behind the bookcase all vamped out and grabs her around the neck. The shopkeeper gasps in fright, but can't bring herself to scream.

 

Spike:  Forget the book.

 

He leans in for the bite, and they collapse to the floor. When he's sucked her dry he looks back up at the door where he saw Willow go.

 

Spike:  I just got a better idea.

 

 

Sunnydale City Hall. Cut to the Mayor's office. The camera is low to the floor. Mayor Wilkins is practicing his putting in the company of his assistant Allan. He taps the ball, and it comes at the camera in a nearly perfect straight line, just missing its target.

 

Mayor Wilkins:  Oh, look at that! Every time, cuts to the left.

 

He gets down on his hands and knees to check the lie of the floor.

 

Mayor Wilkins:  See, and it's not the carpet. It's me. (gets up to retrieve his ball) I swear, I would sell my soul for a decent short game. (drops the ball for another try) Of course, (chuckles) it's a little late for that. (chuckles) (to Allan) I don't suppose I could offer *your* soul, huh? Really help me on the green.

 

Allan gives him a shocked look.

 

Mayor Wilkins:  I'm just funning. So, we have a Spike problem, do we? (takes another shot)

 

Allan:  He's been spotted back in town.

 

The Mayor's shot is on target this time, but comes up short. He lets out a frustrated sigh and goes to retrieve his ball.

 

Allan:  And there was an incident at a magic shop in broad daylight. Police had a hell of a time covering it up.

 

Mayor Wilkins:  (drops the ball) (laughs) Well, yes, y'know, he was up to all sorts of shenanigans last year. We had a world of fun trying to guess what he'd do next.

 

Allan:  I remember. (leans against the Mayor's desk)

 

The Mayor whistles at Allan, who immediately stands back up.

 

Mayor Wilkins:  But I guess we're past that now. This year is too important to let a loose cannon rock the boat.

 

Allan:  Should I have Mr. Trick send a... committee to deal with this?

 

Mayor Wilkins:  Loose cannon. Rock the boat. Is that a mixed metaphor?

 

Allan:  (confused) Uh...

 

Mayor Wilkins:  (musing out loud) Boats did have cannons. And a loose one would cause it to rock. Oh, honestly. I don't know where my mind goes these days. (chuckles) Why don't you take care of that Spike problem? A committee, like you said.

 

Allan:  As good as done. (leaves the office)

 

Mayor Wilkins:  That's swell. Fore!

 

He takes another shot, and this one is directly on target. He spreads his arms, elated.

 

Mayor Wilkins:  Hey!

 

Cut to Angel's mansion. He places another log on the fire. Buffy is on the couch with a pile of brochures on her lap.

 

Angel:  College, huh?

 

Buffy:  Higher education. Kind of an intense proposition.

 

Angel:  Where do you wanna go? (slowly comes over to her)

 

Buffy:  (closes her brochure) I have no idea. My mom was the one that got all these. She's so excited, she can't stop talking about it. (Angel sits across from her) I had a really hard time coming up with an alibi so I could come over here.

 

Angel:  She doesn't know about me.

 

Buffy:  Big no. She's having enough trouble dealing with the Slayer issue. I don't think she's ready to process the information that... you and I are friends again. Anyway, I think this college jones is just a reaction to the whole Slayer thing.

 

Angel:  She wants you to get out.

 

Buffy:  Someplace a little less Hellmouthy. (nods) She has a point. (draws a breath) Y'know, but there are reasons to stay, too.

 

Angel:  What are they?

 

Buffy:  (taken aback) Um... you know, there's my Slayer duties, obviously. What do you think I should do?

 

Angel:  As a friend, I... (stands up) I think that you should leave. (goes to the fireplace) This is a good opportunity for you.

 

He leans against the cold stone, facing away from her. Buffy gets up to gather her brochures.

 

Buffy:  Yeah. It's not like there's any great thing keeping me here.

 

She stuffs them into her bag. Angel turns around when he hears the papers rustling. Buffy zips her bag closed and pulls it onto her shoulder.

 

Buffy:  Thanks for the advice. It's another perspective to consider.

 

Angel:  Where are you going? You just got here. It's early.

 

Buffy:  Yeah, well, my mom starts worrying a lot earlier these days. I'll stop by soon.

 

She leaves without looking back. Angel watches until she's gone.

 

Cut to the science room at school. It's dark. Willow is grinding the ingredients for the anti-love spell in a ceramic bowl. Xander walks into the dark room and heads toward Willow.

 

Xander:  Whoa! It smells like church in here. (sniffs) No, wait... Evil church.

 

Willow:  It's just chemistry stuff. An experiment.

 

Xander:  So you said when you called. Why do I have to be here?

 

Willow:  It'll help you on the exam. You're way behind.

 

Xander:  But that's why you love me, right? (bobs his head) Academically dangerous?

 

Willow:  (ignores his comment) Here. (hands him a raven feather) Hold this.

 

Xander:  A feather. And who will I be tickling?

 

He runs it along Willow's check, and for a moment she enjoys it and giggles, but her rational mind quickly takes over and she gruffly nudges his hand aside.

 

Willow:  (warningly) Shush.

 

Xander isn't too happy about that, but knows it has to be that way. Willow checks her spell book.

 

Willow:  Okay. Bring mixture to a boil...

 

She lights the Bunsen burner below a flask of liquid.

 

Xander:  I assume this isn't going to make us late for our evening of bowling magic?

 

Willow:  (jerks up) There's no magic! I mean, bowling, yeah. Cordelia and Oz are gonna meet us here later.

 

Xander:  Can we turn these lights on?

 

He notices something familiar about the book Willow is working from and steps around her to get a better look.

 

Xander:  Is that a spell book?

 

Willow:  (tries to obscure it with her hand) No, no, no! Chemistry book.

 

Xander:  Wait a minute. This is love spell stuff! You're doing a love spell?

 

Willow:  No! Of course not! This is a purely scientific...

 

Xander picks the book up and shows her its title: "Witchcraft".

 

Willow:  ...de-lusting spell... for us. I thought it would go better if you didn't know.

 

Xander:  (raises his voice) Are you nuts, or have you forgotten that I tend to have bad luck with these sorts of spells?

 

Willow:  (raises hers back) But you said you wished that these feelings could just go away.

 

Xander:  Yeah, I wish for a *lot* of things! I told you I wished I was a fireman when we were in sixth grade, but you didn't follow through on that!

 

Willow:  I can't do this anymore, Xander! I mean, this whole 'us' thing is... bleagh!

 

Xander:  So, do you really need to resort to the black arts to keep our hormones in check?

 

Willow:  (calmly) At this point, I'm thinking 'no'.

 

Xander:  I'm gonna get the lights, (walks) clean this place up before they get here (clicks them on) and start asking questions.

 

Spike walks into the room behind him and grabs him around the neck.

 

Willow:  Xander!

 

Spike starts to choke Xander, who struggles hard, but can't get free.

 

Spike:  I need to borrow the little girl. You don't mind, do you?

 

Xander kicks out with his legs against the wall, and shoves Spike and himself across the room and into a metal shelf. Spike isn't fazed, and throws Xander aside to the floor. He tries to get up, but Spike punches him hard. Willow grabs a microscope and comes at Spike with it. He stops her in mid-swing.

 

Spike:  Threatening me? That's not nice. (Xander gets back up) We're all gonna be very best friends.

 

He yanks the microscope from Willow's grips and swings it around into Xander's temple. The boy goes down, out cold.

 

Willow:  Xander!

 

Cut to Spike's factory. Xander is laid out on what's left of Drusilla's bed. Willow nervously sits on the edge, fidgeting with her hands. Spike dumps a box full of supplies on the bed next to Xander.

 

Spike:  A spell. For me. You're gonna do a spell for me.

 

Willow:  Uh, what kind of spell?

 

Spike:  A *love* spell! Are you brain dead? (goes to the dresser) I'm gonna get what's mine. (grabs a bottle) What's mine. (uncorks it) Teach her to walk out on me.

 

He takes several good swallows, then looks over at Willow.

 

Spike:  What are you staring at?

 

Willow:  (averts her eyes) Nothing.

 

Spike:  You can do it, right? You can make Dru love me again? Make her crawl!

 

Willow:  I-I can try.

 

Spike:  (grabs her neck) What are you talking about, trying? You'll do it!

 

Willow:  Yes, I'll do it!

 

He lets go of her and breaks his bottle against a bedpost. He grabs her again and threatens her with the sharp edges.

 

Spike:  You lie to me, and I'll shove this through your face! You want that?

 

Willow:  (terrified) No...

 

Spike:  Right through to your BRAIN!

 

Willow:   No, please, no...

 

He shoves her aside and leans against the bedpost, calming down.

 

Spike:  She wouldn't even kill me.

 

He drops the broken bottle, walks around Willow and sits down next to her.

 

Spike:  She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. (sniffs) I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?

 

He pauses for a moment to inhale and exhale deeply.

 

Spike:  It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiirt! (sniffs) I caught her on a park bench, making out with a *chaos* demon! Have you ever seen a chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting.

 

He looks at Willow's pretty young face and strokes her silky auburn hair.

 

Spike:  She only did it to hurt me. (he takes his hand off of her) So I said, 'I'm not putting up with this anymore.' And she said, 'Fine!' And I said, 'Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!' And then she said... she said we could still be friends. (leans over and sobs on Willow's shoulder) God, I'm so unhappy!

 

Willow:  (tentatively pats his knee) There, there.

 

Spike:  I mean, friends! How could she be so cruel?

 

He raises his head and looks at her neck.

 

Spike:  Mmm. That smell... Your neck...

 

He leans in to take a better whiff and then leans back, now in his game face.

 

Spike:  I haven't had a woman in weeks.

 

Willow looks at him and jumps up in fright.

 

Willow:  Whoa! No! Hold it!

 

Spike:  Well, unless you count that shopkeeper. (stands up)

 

Willow:  (panting with fright) Now, now, hold on! I-I'll do your spell for you, and, and, and I'll get you Drusilla back, but, but there will be no bottle-in-face, and there will be no 'having' of any kind with me. Alright?

 

He grabs her by the neck and bends her over, but makes no move to bite her. Instead he reverts to his human guise.

 

Spike:  Alright. (pushes her away) Get started.

 

Willow steps around the bed to where Spike dumped the box of supplies.

 

Willow:  Now, I'm not a real witch, you know. I-I don't know if this is gonna work right away.

 

Spike:  Well, if at first you don't succeed, I'll kill him (indicates Xander), and you try again.

 

Willow:  (looks through the supplies) This isn't enough.

 

Spike:  What? (comes toward her)

 

Willow:  (nervously) Well, there are other ingredients, a-and a-a-a book. I need a, a spell book. This isn't it.

 

Spike:  You've got one, though, at home?

 

Willow:  Not at home. I left it somewhere.

 

Spike:  (gets in her face) Where?

 

Cut to the library. Buffy is skipping rope. Suddenly Oz and Cordelia come storming in. Buffy drops her rope and goes to meet them.

 

Cordelia:  Thank God you are here.

 

Buffy:  Yeah! Not all of us have dates tonight.

 

Oz:  Something's up.

 

Cut to the science room. The three of them come in and look at the mess.

 

Cordelia:  We were supposed to meet in here. I don't know what could have happened.

 

Buffy finds Willow's botched experiment.

 

Buffy:  What is all this stuff? I'm thinking weird science.

 

Cordelia:  Was Willow messing with her magic tricks again? Maybe they disappeared. Maybe she turned Xander into something ishy!

 

Buffy:  (looks around) Whatever happened, there was obviously a fight.

 

Oz:  I don't see any blood.

 

Buffy:  Yeah, either they were taken, or they ran, or maybe...

 

Cordelia:  (points) You're having too many ors! Pick one!

 

Buffy:  I don't know. I need you guys to find Giles, okay? I'm gonna look for them. Maybe they didn't get too far.

 

Cordelia:  Where is Giles?

 

Buffy:  Uh, he's at a retreat in the clearing in Breaker's Woods.

 

Oz:  Yeah, I know the spot, but it's like a forty-five minute drive.

 

Buffy:  So motor!

 

They all go on their respective missions.

 

Cut to the library. Buffy strides in and heads straight for the cage and the weapons cabinet within. She is interrupted by the phone, and rushes over to the counter to answer it.

 

Buffy:  Giles?

 

Joyce:  (through the phone) Hi, Buffy. You still working out?

 

Buffy:  Uh, no, Mom, actually...

 

Joyce:  I was hoping that we could schedule a college talk later tonight. I admit I... (cut to her in the kitchen) overreacted before. You don't have to go all the way across the country. (sits at the island) I, um, picked up some brochures from some nearby schools, okay?

 

Buffy:  (cut to her) That's great, but now's really not a good time...

 

Spike:  (through the phone) Hello, Joyce.

 

Buffy's eyes widen with recognition.

 

Cut to the kitchen. Joyce looks behind her and sees Spike standing in the doorway.

 

Cut to the library. Buffy's expression turns to horror when she realizes that it's Spike. She drops the phone and runs from the library as only a Slayer can.

 

 

The kitchen at the Summers house. Joyce picks up the teakettle from the stove and takes it over to the island, where she pours some into a cup for Spike to make hot chocolate.

 

Spike:  So I'm strolling through the park, looking for a meal, and I happen to walk by, and she's making out with the chaos demon! And so I said, 'You know, I don't have to put up with this.' And she said, 'Fine!' So I said, 'Fine, do whatever you like!' I mean, I thought we were going to make up, you know.

 

Joyce:  (sits across from him) Well, she sounds very unreasonable.

 

Spike:  She is. She's out of her mind. (sniffs) That's what I miss most about her. (smiles)

 

Joyce:  Well, Spike, sometimes even when two people seem right for each other, their lives just take different paths. When Buffy's father and I...

 

Spike:  (interrupts) No, this is different. Our love was eternal. Literally. (calms down) You got any of those little marshmallows?

 

Joyce:  Well, lemme look.

 

She gets up to go check.

 

Cut outside. Angel comes strolling through the neighborhood. He pauses to glance up into Buffy's house, and through the open door sees Spike sitting there with Joyce. Instantly he makes a dead run for the door, jumps the porch railing and tries to go in, but is surprised to find himself thrown back. Joyce is startled out of her seat, and she takes a few steps away. Angel growls at Spike in extreme anger.

 

Angel:  Spike.

 

Joyce:  Oh, my God. Get out of here!

 

Spike:  (gets up behind Joyce, smiling) Yeah. You're not invited.

 

Joyce:  He's crazy. He'll kill us.

 

Spike:  Not while I breathe. Well, actually, I don't breathe. (taunts Angel)

 

Angel:  Joyce, listen to me.

 

Joyce:  You get out of this house, or I will stake you myself.

 

Spike:  You're a very bad man.

 

Angel:  (seething with anger) Joyce, you can't trust him. Invite me in.

 

Spike makes like he's going to bite Joyce.

 

Angel:  You touch her, and I'll cut your head off!

 

Spike:  Yeah? You and what army?

 

Buffy comes up behind him.

 

Buffy:  That would be me.

 

She knocks Spike onto his back on the island and keeps him pinned there by the throat.

 

Buffy:  Angel, why don't you come on in?

 

He steps in, and Joyce begins to panic.

 

Joyce:  Oh! Oh, no!

 

She walks around to the far side of the island.

 

Buffy:  You shouldn't have come back, Spike.

 

Spike:  I do what I please.

 

Joyce:  Okay, I-I'm confused again.

 

Spike makes a grab for Buffy's arm. Angel takes Spike's arm, yanks it off of Buffy and pins it to the island. Buffy grabs a wooden stirring spoon and makes a move to stake him.

 

Spike:  Willow!

 

Buffy:  (stays her thrust) You took Willow.

 

Spike:  You do me now, you'll never find the little witch.

 

Joyce:  (confused) Willow's a witch?

 

Buffy:  And Xander?

 

Spike:  Him, too.

 

Joyce:  What, Xander's a witch? I...

 

Angel grabs Spike by the coat and lifts him off of the island.

 

Angel:  Where are they?

 

Spike:  (shoves Angel off) Doesn't work like that, peaches. And when did you become all soul-having again? I thought you outgrew that. (to Buffy) Your friend's gonna work a little magic for me. She does my spell, I let them both go.

 

Buffy:  You're not famous for keeping your promises, Spike.

 

Spike:  Well, you and your great poof here wanna tag along, that's fine. But you get in my way, and *you* kill your friends.

 

Cut to Oz's van. He speeds along the road to Breaker's Woods.

 

Cordelia:  What if they were kidnapped by Colombian drug lords? They could be cutting off Xander's ear right now! Or other parts.

 

Oz sniffs the air and stops the van.

 

Cordelia:  Hello?

 

Oz sniffs the air some more.

 

Oz:  It's Willow. She's nearby.

 

Cordelia:  What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume.

 

Oz:  She's afraid.

 

He puts the van in reverse and backs up a bit.

 

Cordelia:  Oh, my God. Is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing.

 

Oz:  I really agree.

 

He puts the van in drive and turns down a side street.

 

Cut to an alleyway. Buffy, Angel and Spike come walking out.

 

Spike:  Look, I just need a few supplies, and then I'll take you to... (stops and grabs his head) Oh, God.

 

Buffy:  What's wrong? Not that I care.

 

Spike:  Oh... My head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. (bends over) Oh, God. I wish I was dead.

 

Buffy:  (pulls out a stake) Well, if you close your eyes and wish real hard...

 

Spike:  (straightens up) Hey! Back off!

 

Angel:  (gets between them) Buffy, we still need him to find the others.

 

Buffy:  (lowers her stake) Need him? He's probably just got them locked up in the factory.

 

Spike:  Well, hey, how thick do you think I am?

 

Buffy:  Fine. Can we just get this over with?

 

She starts down the road. Spike and Angel follow close behind. When they reach a corner, Spike has a flashback when he recognizes a bench.

 

Spike:  Oh, God.

 

Angel:  Now what?

 

Spike:  We killed a homeless man on this bench. Me and Dru. Those were good times.

 

He steps over to the bench and sits on it.

 

Spike:  (chuckles) You know, he begged for mercy, and you know, that only made her bite harder.

 

He looks to Buffy and Angel for a reaction, but they just stare back blankly.

 

Buffy:  I guess you had to be there.

 

She continues on her way.

 

Cut to the magic shop. Buffy kicks the door open and they walk in. There is yellow police tape stretched across the room, separating the counter and the shelves of merchandise from the entry area.

 

Buffy:  Your work?

 

She yanks down the police tape and tosses it aside.

 

Spike:  Here's your list. (hands it to Buffy)

 

Buffy:  (reads) 'Essence of violet, cloves...' Angel?

 

Angel:  Right. (starts to look)

 

Buffy:  'Set of runic tablets.' Spike can get the rat's eyes.

 

She and Spike also start looking for ingredients.

 

Spike:  I used to bring her rats. With the morning paper.

 

Buffy:  Great. More moping. That's gonna get her back.

 

Spike:  The spell's gonna get her back.

 

Angel:  Lot of trouble for somebody who doesn't even care about you.