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The Multiple Pairings of Xander Harris

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  • The Multiple Pairings of Xander Harris

    I was looking for a list similar to the one bespangled posted in her lovely All-Purpose Spike and came across this!

    It's been a well-known fact in the olden fanfic days (2007 apparently) that Xander is a Wonder Slut when it comes to being paired with other characters.




    So this is a poem by electricalgwen written for Xander's biggest fan and amazing Spander author entrenous88 for her birthday. You can find the original post here. You can read entrenous88's happy reply for her wonderful present.



    The Multiple Pairings of Xander Harris

    A is for Anya, a good place to start,
    She held and will hold pride of place in Xan’s heart.
    Her outspoken bluntness was not to all’s liking,
    But she made it canon that Xander’s a Viking!

    B is for Buffy, the first crush we see,
    And (rumour has it) the one meant to be.
    They’re White Knight and princess, all set to discover
    That often the best friend will make the best lover.

    C for Cordelia, who introduced groping,
    And closets, and cheating, and guiltily moping.
    She fell for him then, and now her demon half
    Finds Xander magnetic. He still makes her laugh.

    D is for Dawn, in my mind – though you may
    Favor Darla, Drusilla, or Devon. They say
    Even Dracula couldn’t resist Xan’s appeal!
    But I think that Dawn’s crush matured, and was real.

    E stands for Ethan, chaotic and random.
    He’s usually paired with the Watcher in fandom,
    Yet late-series Xander might interest the mage:
    He’s set to release Xander’s darkness and rage.

    F is for Faith, and for Xander’s first time.
    It didn’t last long and it wasn’t sublime,
    But she’s back in S7, reformed yet still hot –
    You bet he’d be keen on those mad skills she’s got.

    G is for Giles, not as staid as he seems,
    If daddy’s your kink, here’s the pair of your dreams.
    Let Giles unleash Ripper and hang out in leather;
    They can rebuild the Council of Watchers together.

    H is for Harmony. Back in the day
    She’d never have wanted poor Xander that way.
    Now vamped and rejected and wandering the night,
    She thinks he looks tasty – though sad in a fight.

    I for Illyria, who once ruled in hell,
    Now conquered and limited, bound in a shell.
    Both damaged, both lonely, both fearing to mourn,
    They’ll learn how to live in the world post-Black Thorn.

    J is for Jesse and teenage confusion,
    Two puppy-dog boys working through the delusion
    That Sunnydale’s normal and they’re “just good friends”,
    Some kissing, mild petting – then sadly, it ends.

    K stands for Kendra (‘cause Kennedy’s out),
    Throwing the Slayer line into some doubt,
    She needs help adjusting to Sunnydale High;
    All-American Xander is surely her guy.

    L is for Liam, in whatever guise,
    Whether Angel, Angelus, or Auld Irish Eyes.
    He’s “buff” and “attractive”, so Xander has said,
    With two hundred plus years of experience in bed.

    M is a tough one. The options are few:
    The Mayor or the Master – and can I say “eww?”
    Please let me know if you think of a better,
    Else Xan/Mr Trick fic will finish this letter.

    N takes us back to our boy’s early days,
    When Natalie French used her insectile ways
    To lure him and others for purposes lewd;
    He narrowly missed being she-mantis food.

    O stands for Oz with his multi-hued hair.
    Wolf and hyena, an interesting pair,
    Hanging out in the van on those long summer days
    Smoking and dreaming in post-coital haze.

    P is for Penn – for a really dark tale,
    Explore the sick mind of this Aurelian male.
    Though sodomy’s evil, our sweet dark-haired slut
    Makes Penn yearn to taste him, and have him – and cut.

    Q and Picard feature large in Xan’s dreams,
    Though in Sunnydale there is no “Q”, it seems.
    For sexy Trek role-playing, Andrew’s your man.
    (I can’t write Andrew, but maybe you can.)

    R is for Riley. They’re so gosh-darn cute!
    They look equally good in fatigues, or a suit.
    They’ll bond over being the two Scooby norms,
    Once Riley’s recovered from Maggie’s “reforms”.

    You all know my OTP – S stands for Spike,
    With snark, smirks and banter, fa├žade of dislike,
    When really they’ll **** against anything stable.
    Blond and cerulean, chocolate and sable.

    T is for Tara. She’s quiet and shy,
    But her heart it is warm, and her wit, it is sly.
    She’s not much for men, but still, she’s not blind;
    He deserves someone like her, supportive and kind.

    U stands for underlings, Bringers of doom,
    They’d lock up poor Xan in a nice hotel room.
    What can I say? He’s a demon attraction!
    (He’s also a hit with the Ubervamp faction.)

    In a houseful of girls, Xander nearly went mad
    From sex deprivation (which was of the bad.)
    V is for Vi, with potential galore,
    Who came to his bed just to get off the floor.

    W for Willow, who’s always been there,
    From crayons to demons, through joy and despair.
    Though if Xan’s “gay me up” speech inspired her to spells,
    It might just be Wesley who gets wedding bells.

    X is for… Xander! Toth’s stick gave us two!
    Imagine their kiss – they’d know just what to do…
    Or one in a hardhat and one in a dress…
    (And I won’t even mention twincest RPS.)

    Y is for… you. Oh, come on. Mary-Sue it!
    Write us a story where you and Xan do it:
    The beauteous OC who plays such a key part
    That s/he wins Xan’s devotion, his body and heart.

    Z has me stumped, but I hope you’ve had fun
    On this ride through the alphabet, picking the one
    To pair up with Xan in the next fic you write.
    Happy Spring to you all, and to all, a good night!
    Made by Trickyboxes
    Halfrek gives Spike the curse that will change his entire life. Teenage Dirtbag

  • #2
    Wow, that's fantastic! Really enjoyed it.

    flow
    ................................ Banner by buffylover

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    • #3
      Loved that! Thanks for sharing! x
      .

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      • #4
        That poem is brilliant! Thanks Sosa

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        • #5
          The part with Jesse breaks my heart, I have read my share of Xander/Jesse fics and they've always been boyishly innocent and experimental and usually have a sad ending of Xander having no grave for Jesse to visit.

          For the letter M, she could have said Marcie, the invisible girl, I have read one Xander/Marcie fic in the past and it was lovely.
          Made by Trickyboxes
          Halfrek gives Spike the curse that will change his entire life. Teenage Dirtbag

          Comment


          • #6
            There's also Morgan, the puppet guy Though of course that would be sad too.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Priceless View Post
              There's also Morgan, the puppet guy Though of course that would be sad too.
              Now I wanna read a tragic Xander/Morgan fic. Perhaps they could be in love before Buffy arrived to school.
              Made by Trickyboxes
              Halfrek gives Spike the curse that will change his entire life. Teenage Dirtbag

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Sosa lola View Post
                Now I wanna read a tragic Xander/Morgan fic. Perhaps they could be in love before Buffy arrived to school.
                Sid could put a wedge between them

                I'm trying to think of other M's but I'm stuck

                Comment


                • #9
                  They skipped Nancy and chose Natalie French for "N"—— I'm thinking "O" could also include Owen from S1 and "H" could also include Halfrek (if you wanted an unusual fanfic)
                  .

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                  • #10
                    Xander and Owen would be a lovely pairing Bet Owen would be jealous of Xander's tweetie-pie watch

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Priceless View Post
                      Xander and Owen would be a lovely pairing Bet Owen would be jealous of Xander's tweetie-pie watch
                      As shown on the show, it was Xander who was jealous of Owen's pocket watch, but mostly because Buffy admired it.

                      Owen is a silent, sensitive soul who loves books, history and antiques. Xander is an immature radio spouting sarcasm and jokes who loves comic books, TV shows, movies and loud music. They are the absolute opposite, but both have hidden layers. Owen discovers the thrill of the Hellmouth and desires to be part of that life. Xander shows great sensitivity when someone he cares about is feeling low and tends to be good with words that articulate a beautiful speech to lift up their spirits.

                      I wouldn't mind reading a fic about both boys bringing out the best in the other.


                      Originally posted by SpuffyGlitz View Post
                      They skipped Nancy and chose Natalie French for "N"—— I'm thinking "O" could also include Owen from S1 and "H" could also include Halfrek (if you wanted an unusual fanfic)
                      Xander/Halfrek would be an awesome pairing! Oooooh the ideas are floating in my head now.

                      Halfrek wants to avenge Anya by seducing Xander and then humiliating him, when they're together, Xander tries to explain why he left Anya and then mentions his father, Halfrek is stunned when she learns about Tony being an abusive father and husbands and feels inadequate in her job for not granting little Xander a wish in the past. The two start talking about Anya and what they love about her and become friendly with each other. Now if we go by the head canon of her being Cecily, talk about the embarrassing stories she has for Spike, and the way to Xander's heart is the dissing of Spike (or Angel or both), so both of them start trading humiliating stories about Spike, and then visit the poor vamp in his crypt, out of their minds drunk, and start making fun of him. He kicks them out, making crude comments about the both of them, and they end up shagging in the cemetery.
                      Made by Trickyboxes
                      Halfrek gives Spike the curse that will change his entire life. Teenage Dirtbag

                      Comment

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