I have recently (partly) re-watched IOHFY while re-watching POTN's Buffy episode guides.
I have never been a huge fan of this episode. Or, to be quite honest the episode has always made me feel uncomfortable but I didn't know why.
Pondering this once again I realized that I actually feel betrayed by how the writers pull wool over our eyes with the gender-swapping and role-swapping.
At the core, we have a middle-aged teacher who has a sexual affair with a teenage high school kid. The boinking goes on for a while, then the teacher dumps the kid - allegedly for the kid's own good. The kid has a mental meltdown, murders the teacher, and commits suicide afterward.
Look at it like this: A guy in his thirties or forties who is a teacher at a high school starts a sexual relationship with a girl about sixteen or seventeen who is one of his pupils. After a short affair, he dumps her, telling her it's the best for her. She has a mental breakdown and commits suicide, taking the teacher with her to the grave.
That's what basically happens between Grace and James. However, the gender roles are being swapped and Grace, the teacher, is presented to us as the female victim of a male aggressor.
In the end, Grace will also become a victim. But right now she isn't yet. She is the abuser.
Abuse is not always about male vs. female. In this case, it's about the power dynamic. It's about a teacher who seduces a pupil. Which is wrong in each and every circumstance no matter how huge or small the age difference is.
I am not even sure if we are supposed to see Angel in the role of the teacher and Buffy in the role of the pupil. Those are the roles they take on when possessed by the ghosts of Grace and James. However, what was wrong about Grace's and James' relationship was not (mainly) the age difference (which is significantly higher than the age gap between Buffy's and Angel's human years) but the fact that she was his teacher. There was a power dynamic that should have put an end to any kind of relationship long before it began. This power dynamic is lacking in Buffy's and Angel's relationship. You could even argue that it is Angel who comes to Buffy to learn from her how to fight for the good side.
There is yet another thing that rubs me the wrong way. Obviously, Grace has decided to dump James for his own good without bothering to ask his opinion on the matter. It's not even that she is telling him "I am scared of losing my job and ending up in jail.". That would something he might have understood and accepted. No, she tells him "I did it for you, so you could have a better life." It's really a bit of gaslighting if you ask me. "I am hurting you but I justify it by doing it in your own best interest".
Well, we all know that something similar happens in season 3 between Buffy and Angel but not yet. Angel has not dumped Buffy for her own good. He has lost his soul for reasons that were entirely out of his (and Buffy's) control. What happened between the two couples is completely different and cannot be compared.
But the story doesn't end with Grace's wrongdoings. James (and I wonder if Grace knew he was mentally unstable) kills her and then commits suicide. Buffy takes his role but once again I see no common ground at all. James is a murderer. Buffy clearly is not. She might feel guilty because Angel lost his soul. But that was not her fault. She doesn't have to forgive herself and she doesn't need Angel to forgive her. She needs to accept that she is not the culprit here. James on the other hand is the culprit.
Finally, after James/Buffy has killed Grace/Angel the latter turns out to be still undead, walks up the stairs, and tells James/Buffy that the fact he just got shot in cold blood by James/Buffy was an accident and not James'/Buffy's fault.
Suddenly Angel is presented as the victim although he is evil. Evil, not because he slept with Buffy but because he has killed (after losing his soul). Buffy suddenly is the attacker although she was the one who has been mistreated by Angel the morning after their fateful night together.
But Grace's death was indeed James' fault and it was a premeditated murder, not a friggin accident. I hate that the murder of a woman gets sugarcoated as an accident. But it gets even worse than that. All of this role swapping doesn't lead to anything. One kiss makes all the heartache and the wrongdoing go away and Grace and James - one of them an abuser, the other one a murderer - are being sent to heaven together. The victim even tells the murderer that she should be the one who should be sorry. But that's wrong. It's wrong that a woman murdered by her ex-lover should forgive him, take the blame and end up having to spent eternity with her killer.
What were the writers thinking? What am I supposed to think of that? Am I supposed to be happy for Grace and James because they are now in heaven and together? Is there a lesson to be learnt for Buffy and/or Angel from this episode and if so what is it?
flow
I have never been a huge fan of this episode. Or, to be quite honest the episode has always made me feel uncomfortable but I didn't know why.
Pondering this once again I realized that I actually feel betrayed by how the writers pull wool over our eyes with the gender-swapping and role-swapping.
At the core, we have a middle-aged teacher who has a sexual affair with a teenage high school kid. The boinking goes on for a while, then the teacher dumps the kid - allegedly for the kid's own good. The kid has a mental meltdown, murders the teacher, and commits suicide afterward.
Look at it like this: A guy in his thirties or forties who is a teacher at a high school starts a sexual relationship with a girl about sixteen or seventeen who is one of his pupils. After a short affair, he dumps her, telling her it's the best for her. She has a mental breakdown and commits suicide, taking the teacher with her to the grave.
That's what basically happens between Grace and James. However, the gender roles are being swapped and Grace, the teacher, is presented to us as the female victim of a male aggressor.
In the end, Grace will also become a victim. But right now she isn't yet. She is the abuser.
Abuse is not always about male vs. female. In this case, it's about the power dynamic. It's about a teacher who seduces a pupil. Which is wrong in each and every circumstance no matter how huge or small the age difference is.
I am not even sure if we are supposed to see Angel in the role of the teacher and Buffy in the role of the pupil. Those are the roles they take on when possessed by the ghosts of Grace and James. However, what was wrong about Grace's and James' relationship was not (mainly) the age difference (which is significantly higher than the age gap between Buffy's and Angel's human years) but the fact that she was his teacher. There was a power dynamic that should have put an end to any kind of relationship long before it began. This power dynamic is lacking in Buffy's and Angel's relationship. You could even argue that it is Angel who comes to Buffy to learn from her how to fight for the good side.
There is yet another thing that rubs me the wrong way. Obviously, Grace has decided to dump James for his own good without bothering to ask his opinion on the matter. It's not even that she is telling him "I am scared of losing my job and ending up in jail.". That would something he might have understood and accepted. No, she tells him "I did it for you, so you could have a better life." It's really a bit of gaslighting if you ask me. "I am hurting you but I justify it by doing it in your own best interest".
Well, we all know that something similar happens in season 3 between Buffy and Angel but not yet. Angel has not dumped Buffy for her own good. He has lost his soul for reasons that were entirely out of his (and Buffy's) control. What happened between the two couples is completely different and cannot be compared.
But the story doesn't end with Grace's wrongdoings. James (and I wonder if Grace knew he was mentally unstable) kills her and then commits suicide. Buffy takes his role but once again I see no common ground at all. James is a murderer. Buffy clearly is not. She might feel guilty because Angel lost his soul. But that was not her fault. She doesn't have to forgive herself and she doesn't need Angel to forgive her. She needs to accept that she is not the culprit here. James on the other hand is the culprit.
Finally, after James/Buffy has killed Grace/Angel the latter turns out to be still undead, walks up the stairs, and tells James/Buffy that the fact he just got shot in cold blood by James/Buffy was an accident and not James'/Buffy's fault.
Suddenly Angel is presented as the victim although he is evil. Evil, not because he slept with Buffy but because he has killed (after losing his soul). Buffy suddenly is the attacker although she was the one who has been mistreated by Angel the morning after their fateful night together.
But Grace's death was indeed James' fault and it was a premeditated murder, not a friggin accident. I hate that the murder of a woman gets sugarcoated as an accident. But it gets even worse than that. All of this role swapping doesn't lead to anything. One kiss makes all the heartache and the wrongdoing go away and Grace and James - one of them an abuser, the other one a murderer - are being sent to heaven together. The victim even tells the murderer that she should be the one who should be sorry. But that's wrong. It's wrong that a woman murdered by her ex-lover should forgive him, take the blame and end up having to spent eternity with her killer.
What were the writers thinking? What am I supposed to think of that? Am I supposed to be happy for Grace and James because they are now in heaven and together? Is there a lesson to be learnt for Buffy and/or Angel from this episode and if so what is it?
flow
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