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well I was just told I'm stupid

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  • well I was just told I'm stupid

    I'm posting this thread to get honest opinions and feedback. However please don't judge me because honestly I don't need that.

    For the past couple of months I've been dating an awesome guy. He makes me feel comfortable, attractive, and safe. There is only one problem. He is HIV positive and I'm not. Only two people know which are my two best friends. I decided to talk to my sister about it which I was told this is the dumbest decision I've ever made

    This guy and I have not done anything intimate. Before I go that far I'm making sure we have a true connection and will be together for awhile.

    I guess my question is what would you guys do in my shoes?

  • #2
    If sex means nothing to you and you can live the rest of your life without it, or at least without sex with him, go for it.

    If you want to have sex and he won't accept the fact that you do with others, your health and life comes before everything.
    I know you may tell me condoms, blah blah blah, but that's my opinion. If sex means a lot to you, don't get attached to a guy that may put your health in such a danger. There's no coming back from that.

    If he's awesome and makes you feel safe, (which you are not if you plan to have sex with him) you can always be friends and nothing more. And if he's that awesome as you describe, he'll understand your decision.

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    • #3
      Just be careful with sex (and blood in case of accidents), and look up some info, there are probably some good tips for people who have a relation with somebody with HIV. A lot of people date (or marry) people with HIV+ and have a perfectly normal relation and sexlife. (Only in the case of straight couples who want childeren there are some problems. But even that is possible with some help from science.)

      There is no reason to let a great person go just because he is HIV+. Besides he is honest with you about his condition, which can't be easy to tell anyone. He sounds like a good person.


      • #4
        Ok first of all there are only two people in the world that can tell you what you should do in this situation and that is you and your partner. You are the two having a relationship so decisions made about that relationship should be up to you. I think it is great that you are asking the opinion of so many different people, like on this forum and in your family and friends circle. These opinions are valuable and I would definatly take them into consideration but the ultimate decision is yours and to some degree your partners.

        Now on to the issue itself what would I do in your shoes? I would defiantly talk to the guy, have an honest open conversation about sex, with my clothes still on! If he is as great as he seems and as into you as you seem to be into him, he will acknowledge the health risk that you are running and his priority will be to protect you. That should be your warning bell in my opinion does he put you first when it comes to this issue. Because no matter how you look at it he is posting a danger to your health.

        I would together with my partner look up information on this issue visit my physician I don’t know just get knowledgeable and then also make agreements. It might not sound very romantic but I would just really make agreements about your sex life. And accept that you will have to be careful when it comes to sex with this person for as long as you are together. Which might as well be the rest of your life.

        So yeah just go for it, there is in my opinion no reason to let a great guy go just because he is HIV positive. Besides you love who you love. Just make sure you and your partner are on the same page about this and know what you are doing.
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        • #5
          I forgot to include it but I do agree with Mara that it's important that your boyfriend will do everything to protect you as well, that must be the first step. It really has to come from both sides. (Him telling you honestly about beng HIV+ sounds to me like a promising first step. Besides most HIV+ patients don't want to live with the idea that they are responsible for somebody else having HIV, so hopefully your guy is ready to do everything he can to keep you safe.) In case of doubt, don't take the risk.


          • #6
            I appreciate everyones feedback. This is a serious matter and I am thankful to hear thoughts and views in a caring manner instead of degrading ones. This is why I love this community so much.


            • #7
              If it's a real thing, take it slow... if you're just dating casually, I would say don't do anything physical, but basically, take it slowly, be careful of your health... a HIV positive status is not the death sentence it used to be, but it's imperative you take no risks with your health... there are people/organisations who can give you real actual advice, but yeah, I think you just need to inform yourself 100% of the emotional and physical consequences and possibilities from this. You owe that to yourself, and if the guy is actually worth it, he'll be able to allow you to take the time you need.

              Be careful. With your health, and with your heart. Love is worth it, but take a long hard look at what love means to you, and what your plans are for your life, and whether this guy fits into your plans.

              Good luck.


              • #8
                Well I just wanted to take a moment and thank everyone for their advice. While I really liked him I had to end it. I want to stay negative and dating someone positive was not the right path to stay healthy.