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Feedback for Emmie

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  • Feedback for Emmie

    Post feedback for Emmie's fics in here


  • #2
    ARCHIVE:

    BtVS/AtS Fiction

    Poetry

    Graduation Day - Buffy's POV as Angel leaves during Graduation Day Pt 2.

    Fire Back - A Spuffy poem.


    Drabbles

    With 10 Drabbles You Get Eggroll - Ten assorted drabbles written for an LJ meme by request.


    Oneshots

    The Girls in Question - Old lovers return to visit Buffy in Scotland. Season 8, post-Wolves at the Gate.

    Heartbent - Buffy tries to comfort Xander in his grief. Season 8, post-Wolves at the Gate.

    Therapy Sessions - A member of the Scoobie gang finally seeks professional help. Genfic. Post-Sleeper.

    Make it Burn - Dark angsty Buffy POV oneshot during Season 6. Spuffy. Rated R.

    Mirror Mask - A portrait of Buffy. Written for SlayAlive Scribes Challenge prompt "Using your favorite Whedonverse character, show what makes them beautiful to you. Show why you love them."


    Multi-Chapter Fic

    Thought You Should Know - Spuffy WIP. +30,000 words

    Sad Song in His Heart - Spuffy. Complete. 3 Chapters. ~6,000 words



    Dollhouse Fiction:

    Be Mine






    COLLECTED FEEDBACK:

    Originally posted by tangent View Post
    Feedback for Emmie

    Loved 'The Girls in Question'. I was a little worried as I started reading that it ws going to be a bit too shippery and perhaps a bit too naughty for me (especially considering the rating/warning) but it's a very well written, interesting fic with great descriptiveness and a lovely little angle. I absolutely loved Spikes reaction to the kiss "can you do it again" made me laugh out loud, and I liked the little surprise guest at the end.

    For some reason though it feels, to me, as if it's the start of something bigger. I wouldn't mind knowing what happens next, what the resolution of all those four people being in one place will be; so I guess I feel it could've been taken perhaps a step or too further. Also shouldn't it be Scottish countryside at the very start (sorry, very nitpicky).

    Anyway hugely enjoyable, extremely well written stuff. Keep'em coming!

    Originally posted by KingofCretins View Post
    Feedback -- "The Girls In Question", by Emmie

    This was a really enjoyable fic, and the first thing that leaps out is that it doesn't really feel like a *first* fic. It doesn't really cast about for the story or indulge in tangents. (even thought Tangent indulged in it ).

    It has a nicely irreverant quality to it -- it's basically two of the Big Way Too Serious sacred cow topics, Buffy/Satsu and Buffy/Vampire reunions, and doesn't bog down in staring and angst. It's just fun. Buffy's voice is on, Spike's voice is on, and it's funny throughout.

    I like the idea that Buffy would be just salty enough about Spike's disappearing/reappearing act to be... demonstrative about Satsu. If you were to follow this up, though, I'd like to know whether the message in having them kiss so openly is that Buffy is making a pro-Satsu decision or not.

    Great continuity bits (or “The Buffy of it”)
    • Spike’s rivalry with Angel, and the idea that they have literally been racing to get to Buffy.
    • Satsu calling Buffy “ma’am”, pointedly, clearly aware that Buffy likes it.
    • Buffy continuing to (mis)-use “shirty” (I think – she still sounds goofy saying it at least).
    • Angel’s unswerving need to greet Buffy with just her first name.


    Probably the best thing I can say is that you don’t have Satsu backing down from the ‘major characters’ – it would be easy, and I bet it’s common, to make the visiting characters shine so much brighter than the newer characters, but Satsu doesn’t back down from Spike at all. It plays both as vampire vs. Slayer and as jealousy/territoriality about Buffy.

    Construction criticism: Re-reading, I found one sentence that doesn’t really work for me –



    Unless I’ve lost the thread, Buffy doesn’t *know* it’s Spike yet, so hard to figure the adjectives and descriptions from her POV, and certainly Satsu wouldn’t think of him as cuddly or cheekbones in the middle of a fight. Just a little unwieldy, IMO.

    Overall, it’s a very good fic, especially for a first fic, and evokes the comic touches of such BuffyForums luminaries as Wolfie Gilmore. Write MOAR fic please, Emmie

    Originally posted by Wolfie Gilmore View Post
    Emmie - just read the therapy fic, very enjoyable. I liked Anya acting as the spokes-ex-demon for the fans who think Spike got off too lightly. And her rant about pyramid schemes, very Anya.
    Originally posted by Wolfie Gilmore View Post
    She's a great fun character to write with I think, and a good choice for therapy. Not cos I think she needs it more than the others, they all do, but I think she'd just tell the truth without worrying about revealing too much, while the others might try to pussyfoot around or protect the secrets of the slayers. Or worry about seeming crazy, which I don't think Anya would bother herself with.
    Last edited by Emmie; 27-05-09, 07:15 AM.
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    • #3
      A feedback thread! Now I can actually post in here what I liked about your fics!

      The Girl's In Question:

      Loved this one, it's probably my favourite out of the bunch you've written so far! I thought it was very funny and I really enjoyed how you made it a lot of fun. Reunions on the show tend to be very dramatic but you really did well and just making this one nice and bright for a change. It also fits in excellently with how Buffy/Satsu was written overall, that relationship in 'Wolves At The Gate' subverted everything we've come to expect from a "lets keep this between you and me" Buffy kinda secret where it looked like it was going to be another "oh here we go again Buffy lies from her friends and it causes more pain for her" as all of her friends walk in on Buffy/Satsu at the same time and do it in a funny way, so bravo for keeping up with this new tradition!

      My only "minor" complaint is that we didn't get to see Angel's reaction to Buffy/Satsu or at least Angel and Spike being petty about it together! But that's not a complaint about your writing, more a complaint that I didn't get to read how you would’ve wrote it! You would have handled it wonderfully!

      Heartbent:

      This was another great one. It was very simple but as it tends to be, simple can often translate to “most effective” and this is know exception. I really loved the silence between them and how much Buffy understands his loss. I think you wrote both of them really well, Xander’s the type who would be silent about it and as in ‘Inca Mummy Girl’ Buffy’s been shown to respect that and just to be there for him when he’s depressed or grieving. A very powerful intimate piece.

      Therapy Sessions:

      I enjoy the idea of placing Anya in therapy because she’s the one person who would have no problem divulging all her problems and secrets, she’d be a therapists dream, she could talk for hours! The only thing I found slightly odd about it was how willing Buffy was to call Buffy her friend. I think it was within character how you had her comment on how Spike is sort of her friend but not really, but I’d have always thought Anya may say the same about Buffy, especially in season seven where she seemed to rather dislike Buffy the majority of the time. That’s the only thing that didn’t ring completely true to me but hey, it’s only a minor quibble and it’s nothing major, it certainly didn’t effect how much I enjoyed the story! I loved how at the end of the day it was an extension of her rant about how she and Spike were treat to what she believed to be double standards, that was fun. Oh and I loved how she kept thinking about Hallie.. She never got shown to grieve about her in season seven and it was a nice way to incorporate that into your story. Excellent work.

      Graduation Day Poem

      I’m not a huge fan of poetry, I never have been, but as you already know I really dug this. I think it’s an excellent moment you chose to work on because you really had to work on how each actor conveyed their feelings through nothing more than facial expression and looking at your poem and comparing it to the moment on screen, I can believe everything you say in your poem in regards to how Buffy is feeling in this moment.
      - "The earth is doomed" -

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      • #4
        Thanks Mogs! *hugs*
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        • #5
          "Therapy Sessions" is very fun. First, there's not enough good Anya-centric fic out there.

          I love the handling of Spike's chip -- it manages to echo the scene from "Lies My Parents Told Me" without ripping it off. Raeburn is actually pretty interesting, too, I love the real caution in how she answers everything Anya's saying, like she might want to call to have her committed at any second. If there are future installments, I'd love to see her given some more character -- like the Melfi of the Buffyverse.

          I *really* like that you set up "Empty Places" and the ongoing feud between Buffy and Anya in Season 7 with the bit about Anya saying that if Buffy forgives Spike, everyone else is supposed to forgive him, too.

          As with many of the fics I like (stares at Wolfie Gilmore), what the story really needs is to be longer
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          • #6
            I just read your Graduation Day poem and I loved it. Really sad and heartbreaking. I really felt for Buffy while reading it. It's also beautifully written. The words just flow. Great piece!
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            • #7
              Originally posted by ~M@rie~ View Post
              I just read your Graduation Day poem and I loved it. Really sad and heartbreaking. I really felt for Buffy while reading it. It's also beautifully written. The words just flow. Great piece!
              Thank you, ~M@rie~! Your feedback means a lot to me.
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              • #8
                Your Graduation Day poem was beautiful I wish I could write like you lol.
                Oz: Hey.
                Oz: That girl. Who is she?
                Devon: She's an exchange student. I think she's from South America.
                Oz: No, not her. The Eskimo!

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by bradyml57 View Post
                  Your Graduation Day poem was beautiful I wish I could write like you lol.
                  Thanks bradyml57!
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                  • #10
                    "Thought You Should Know" is very good, that is exactly the kind of letter that Spike would write. I could imagine him sort of guiltily wavering and then dropping it into the mailbox before heading out to his open mic. Most pleasant is that it actually works with where Buffy is in Season 8. I don't know where you'd go in terms of a follow-up, unless you're imagining a letter exchange -- I'd have a harder time believing that. But a letter like this from Spike, anticipating he won't come out of the assault on the Circle, is true to the character.
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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by KingofCretins View Post
                      "Thought You Should Know" is very good, that is exactly the kind of letter that Spike would write. I could imagine him sort of guiltily wavering and then dropping it into the mailbox before heading out to his open mic. Most pleasant is that it actually works with where Buffy is in Season 8. I don't know where you'd go in terms of a follow-up, unless you're imagining a letter exchange -- I'd have a harder time believing that. But a letter like this from Spike, anticipating he won't come out of the assault on the Circle, is true to the character.
                      Thanks! I'm actually imagining this lining up with the continuity of Season 8 which means the letter gets sent to Decoy Buffy in Rome, not the real Buffy. And as we know, the real Buffy is heading to Rome soon...

                      The way you described Spike wavering over mailing it is exactly how I imagined it. I see Spike's motivation for finally communicating with Buffy being spurred by the fact that he thinks he's going to die again. So going out in a blaze of glory here and not having to worry about the consequences. And perhaps sending the letter is what spurs Spike onward to a bar - easier to forget what he just did with lots of whiskey. Plus it put him in the mood for poetry.
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                      • #12
                        I'm officially loving "Thought You Should Know". Thanks for putting up Chapter 5, I really liked it. You write excellent Andrew. “You know what they say about Slayers – all work and no play leads to extremely grumpy Slayers. And extreme grumpiness leads to the Dark side.”
                        Buffy on her way to LA! And decoy Buffy to Scotland! I don't even know which story I want to read first!
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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by missperoxide View Post
                          I'm officially loving "Thought You Should Know". Thanks for putting up Chapter 5, I really liked it.
                          Yay! Thanks for the feedback. You're the first person to give me any on the later chapters of this fic posted here. *hugs*

                          Originally posted by missperoxide View Post
                          You write excellent Andrew. “You know what they say about Slayers – all work and no play leads to extremely grumpy Slayers. And extreme grumpiness leads to the Dark side.”
                          He's a bit tough to write so I'm really gratified to hear that it played well.

                          Originally posted by missperoxide View Post
                          Buffy on her way to LA! And decoy Buffy to Scotland! I don't even know which story I want to read first!
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                          • #14
                            hello! i just started reading "thought you should know" and i must say i really like it! i can't wait to see how it turns out.
                            Oz: Sometimes when I'm sitting in class... You know, I'm not thinking about class, 'cause that would never happen. I think about kissing you. And it's like everything stops. It's like, it's like freeze frame. Willow kissage.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by oneslikeme View Post
                              hello! i just started reading "thought you should know" and i must say i really like it! i can't wait to see how it turns out.
                              Thanks! Glad to know you're enjoying it.
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