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  • Hell's guardian 1.02 Never been kissed



    PREVIOUSLY, ON HELL’S GUARDIAN:
    A little recap, since it’s been month that I’ve posted the first episode: Matt used to be a normal, rich girl, whose only problem was that her boyfriend, Scott, had cheated on her with the school slut, Symphony. But then one day two resurrected employed from Wolfram and Hart, Lilah and Melissa, have summoned Abaddon, a thousand year old demon, and trapped him in a human body. They use him to kill four targets, which he does happily. But when it comes to the fifth target, Matt herself, Melissa gives him a soul and he, instead of killing Matt, saves her from another demon, sent from the sisterhood of Selene.
    So Abaddon, now with a human body and soul, changes his name in Donnie and moves in Matt0s house, despite the doubts of Kim, Matt’s best friend, and Nathan, Kim’s ex one night stand who has the power to talk with ghosts and have vision of the future.
    God I suck at doing recaps.

    TEASER
    INT. MATT’S LIVING ROOM


    MATT, NATHAN, KIM and DONNIE are all standing up, looking worried.

    MATT: Okay, so, are we ready?

    NATHAN: We can never be ready for something like this.

    MATT: Let’s not panic. We’ve prepared this in every way we could. Donnie, are you up for it?

    DONNIE (after taking a deep sigh): Yes. I think.

    MATT: This is going to be our most dangerous mission ever. You will be tested in ways you can’t even imagine, and my magic won’t be able to help you, and neither will your strength or Nathan’s visions. You’ll be alone, and probably scared. There’s nothing worse than…

    MATT, NATHAN and KIM, in unison: …Your first trip to the mall.

    END OF TEASER
    Last edited by cliomiao; 11-05-09, 05:04 PM.
    What? You’ve taught a psycho killer demon how to be human by making him watch Sex and the City?

    1.02 Never been kissed OUT NOW/ 1.03 Damned by the bell COMING SOON

  • #2
    EPISODE 2 Never been kissed
    CREDITS
    WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, WITHIN TEMPTATION

    Abaddon: Chace Crawford
    Matt: Willa Holland
    Nathan: Beau Mirchoff
    Kim: Brenda Song

    Also starring: Stephanie Romanoff as Lilah Morgan
    Carly Pope as Melissa
    Sean Faris as Scott
    Kaley Cuoco as Symphony
    Eric Mabius as Virgil
    Kristen Bell as Zoe
    Kaya Scodelario as Sophie
    Michael Cera as Frankie
    Elle Fanning as Lilly
    Teri Hatcher as Monique
    David Tennant as Murray

    ACT I

    INT. MALL

    KIM, NATHAN, MATT and DONNIE are walking in the mall. DONNIE looks awkward and scared.

    KIM: Hey, relax. Remember, you know how you should act inside the mall. I taught you.

    DONNIE: I have to gasp and emit orgasmic sounds every time I see a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s, just like I’ve seen in Sex and the City.

    NATHAN: What? You’ve taught him how to be human by making him watch Sex and the City?

    KIM (proudly): All six seasons. So? I’ve learned everything I know from that show.

    NATHAN: But you’re a girl, and not a particularly bright one either. Donnie can not go around the mall pretending to be Sarah Jessica Parker.

    KIM: Yeah? So tell us how he should act, you big macho.

    NATHAN : Well… You know. Act manly. Stare at girls’ asses. That’s why I come to the mall, personally. (To DONNIE) And whistle when you see one that’s round and juicy.

    A very fat lady passes by. DONNIE stares at her ass, and whistles. The FAT LADY blushes embarrassed and walks away faster.

    NATHAN: Not THAT round and juicy.

    KIM: Donnie, you really shouldn’t listen to Nathan. He’s a pig.

    MATT: But he’s right. I mean, Nathan’s a boy. Donnie’s a boy. Maybe we should leave the boys together, you know, male-bonding. They can talk abut football and stuff.

    KIM: Yeah. That’s kind of a good idea. This way you and me can go shopping.

    NATHAN (whispering to MATT): What? No! I don’t want to be alone with killer demon!

    MATT: Don’t be a cry baby. Bast told me he really is good.

    NATHAN (sarcastic): Oh, yeah, if the spirit coming from your cat’s mouth says so, why should I worry?

    MATT: Bast only speaks the truth. C’mon, it will be good for Donnie to hang out with a boy for a change, he’s always been with me and Kim this past week. And anyway, there’s a sale at the Shoe Paradise with the 50 percent off, and you don’t really want to stay with Kim when she’s looking at discounted shoes. She tends to get violent.

    NATHAN: Okay, I’ll take Psycho for a hamburger, but only for an hour, then I want to meet with you again.

    MATT: Thank you so much. You know, you’re a good guy, despite the way you’ve treated Kim. (To DONNIE) Hey, you don’t mind spending some time with Nathan, right? Me and Kim have to look at shoes.

    KIM: If that blonde lady from last month buys again the last pair of Jimmy Choo’s, I’m so going to snap her neck.

    DONNIE (worried by Kim’s homicidal look): I’ll be fine with Nathan.

    MATT: Okay. We’ll see you two later then. Have fun.

    She and KIM leave the two boys alone, in an awkward silence.

    NATHAN: Erm…

    DONNIE: Yeah…

    NATHAN (trying to break the ice): So, how many people have you killed when you were a evil demon?

    DONNIE: What?

    NATHAN: I’m sorry, I always come out with the most inappropriate questions when I’m embarrassed. You don’t need to answer that.

    DONNIE: You’re taking me around the mall. I think you have a right to know that actually.

    NATHAN: Okay. So how many, in a scale from one to Jason Vorhees?

    DONNIE: Who’s that?

    NATHAN: Never mind. More or less then… I don’t know… Ten? Twenty? One hundred?

    DONNIE: I’m not sure. I lost count after the second thousand.

    NATHAN looks scared.

    NATHAN: Erm… McDonald’s?

    They both don’t see LILAH, spying on them from inside a shop, dressed with a black and big sunglasses, so that she’s not recognized. She’s hiding behind a mannequin. She takes her cellphone from her pocket and quickly dials a number.

    CUT TO- INT. MELISSA’S APARTMENT

    MELISSA is looking at some papers. Her cell phone starts ringing.

    MELISSA: Hello?

    CUT TO- INT. MALL

    LILAH: Target acquired. He’s at the mall.

    CUT TO- APARTMENT

    MELISSA: The mall? Abaddon the destroyer is at the mall?

    CUT TO – MALL

    LILAH: You know what? This is so typical. We follow your plan and summon a bad ass demon, and he ends up playing “Barbie and Ken go to the mall” with the girl he was meant to kill. Why would I think you could actually have a good idea? Now we have to kill not only Matilda, but also Abaddon.

    CUT TO- APARTMENT

    MELISSA: Don’t worry. I’m looking at a list of some of my old contacts from when I worked at Wolfram and Hart. I think I found just the guys who could help us. They won’t even leave a sign that Abaddon ever came back to our dimension.

    She grins.

    MELISSA: Trust me on this one.

    CUT TO- INT. SHOE’S STORE

    There’s a shouting crowd around some shelves, everyone is pushing and trying to get to the shoes first.

    KIM: I smell Jimmy Choos. I have to get those shoes.

    MATT: Have you seen how many people there are? Can’t we just wait until they’re gone?

    KIM: The good shoes will be gone as well.

    MATT: But there’s nothing else we can do.

    KIM: Well… You could… I don’t know, use a little magic maybe?

    MATT: You’re asking me to use my magic to get you a pair of shoes?

    KIM: Not just shoes. Jimmy Choos. You could teleport them in your hands or something. Nobody would notice, there’s too much confusion.

    MATT rolls her eyes.

    MATT: Okay, but just this once.

    She closes her eyes and mutters something. A second after, a pair of red high heels shoes appear in her hands.

    KIM: I don’t like red.

    MATT mutters something and they change colour and turn black.

    KIM: Maybe red were better…

    MATT: Just be grateful, pay and shut up.

    While KIM is paying, MATT sees SCOTT walking outside the store. He sees her as well, and walks in.

    MATT: What are you doing here?

    SCOTT: Looking for you, actually. I knew you were going to be here with Kim.

    MATT: Looking for me? If I were you, I’d stay away from me as far as possible.

    SCOTT: Matt, I’m so sorry… Can’t I just make it right somehow? Can’t we go on another date?

    MATT: I wrote a whole list of things I’d rather do than go on another date with you. It includes being burned alive, drowning, having sex with the fat guy from Borat and watching a whole episode of Dawson’s creek while I’m sober.

    SCOTT: But what we had was so perfect!

    MATT: I wasn’t the one who ruined that!

    SCOTT: I can make it perfect again. Please. Think about it. The kisses. Just talking. And the sex was great.

    MATT: How can I ever trust you again? You cheated on me twice.

    SCOTT: Well, technically once, ‘cause the second time we weren’t really back together yet…

    MATT: Not helping.

    SCOTT: One date. That’s all I want.

    MATT: And I want world peace. But it looks like neither of us are going to see our wishes become true anytime soon.

    MATT turns around and is ready to leave, but SCOTT stops her.

    SCOTT: I love you.

    MATT: You’ve had a great way of showing that.

    SCOTT: I didn’t know it. I didn’t realize it until I thought that maybe you were really gone.

    MATT now looks confused, like maybe she should give the guy another chance.

    MATT: Okay. One date. But if something goes wrong, you’ll never speak to me again.

    SCOTT: Seems fair.

    CUT TO- INT. MALL- INT. MCDONALD

    NATHAN and DONNIE are sitting at the table. DONNIE is looking at the boxes of the thing they’ve bought.

    DONNIE: What’s a cheeseburger?

    NATHAN: An hamburger with cheese on it.

    DONNIE: Oh. What’s an hamburger?

    NATHAN: It’s meat put between two loaves of bread.

    DONNIE: What kind of meat?

    NATHAN: Nobody knows. And honestly, nobody really wants to know either.

    A couple sitting in the table next to theirs starts kissing. DONNIE stares at them curiously.

    NATHAN: Hey! Don’t stare!

    DONNIE: I’m sorry, it’s just weird.. Why are they trying to eat each other’s faces off? Carrie and Mr Big did it all the time, and I never got why.

    NATHAN: They’re not eating each other’s faces off! They’re kissing! I thought demons knew all about kissing, isn’t hell all about sex?

    DONNIE: Yes. I know about sex. The male demons stick their penises inside the female’s holes. I’m very practical about that. I don’t get what that has to do with the… What did you call it? Ah, yeah, “kissing”.

    NATHAN: It’s just… Something people do to feel good.

    DONNIE: Oh. So can I kiss you?

    He leans in, but NATHAN avoids him.

    NATHAN: No! You must do it with a girl! I mean, you can do it with a boy as well, I’m just not into that. There’s nothing wrong with that, if you… swing that way.

    DONNIE: I don’t get it. If it’s something you do to feel nice, why can’t we do it?

    NATHAN: It’s something you must do with someone you find physically attractive. Like, if you’rer boyfriend and girlfriend.

    DONNIE: Oh. Like you and Kim.

    NATHAN: What? We’re not… together.

    DONNIE: But you like her.

    NATHAN: She’s cute.

    DONNIE: You like her more than that. You’re always looking at her, even if she doesn’t notice.

    NATHAN: Well, she’s… nice.

    In that moment, MATT and KIM enter the MCDONALD and sit next to them.

    KIM: Who’s nice?

    NATHAN: We were just talking about… Girl’s asses.

    He gives sign to DONNIE to not say a thing about what he’s said about Kim.

    KIM: Oh god. Have you talked about something else all day?

    NATHAN (shrugs): Boys will be boys. What did you do?

    KIM: I bought a new pair of shoes. Girls will be girls. So, what are we eating?

    NATHAN: I got you chicken mcnuggets, I remembered you like those…

    KIM: Wow. You’re almost not completely annoying at times.

    NATHAN: I got Matt and Donnie cheeseburgers, I don’t know what they liked so I stuck to the classics. And I got a Big Tasty Bacon myself.

    They all start eating: after the first taste, DONNIE’s eyes widen.

    DONNIE: Oh – my –god.

    NATHAN: You don’t like it? We’ll grab some pizza next time…

    DONNIE: No, no, I love it! It’s wonderful!

    He takes another enormous bite, and talks with his mouth still full.

    DONNIE: It tastes like the eyes of a bolrog demon, just… Better! And without the blood, and the eye-jelly.

    NATHAN: Yummi. And just wait until you try the big mac.

    DONNIE: Oh god. And the ketchup? It’s like cooked brains! Oh, how did I live without it all these years?

    KIM pushes her nuggets away from her.

    KIM: I’m not hungry anymore.

    DONNIE swallows the whole sandwich.

    KIM: We should really talk manners.

    CUT TO – INT. MODERN BUILDING

    The camera shows a very modern, professional corridor. It is completely white, and is clearly inside a skyscraper since the walls are all made of glass and show New York. MELISSA is walking down the corridor, following a smartly dressed man (played by Eric Mabius).

    MELISSA: It feels like we’ve been walking for hours. Does this corridor ever end?

    MAN: My employees must stay in isolation. You have no idea of how devastating their combined powers can be if used inappropriately.

    MELISSA: Sounds like you’re bragging a bit, Mr Virgil.

    VIRGIL: I’m just saying the truth, miss Balton.

    MELISSA: I’ll be the judge of that. And let me tell you, I’m not easily impressed.

    VIRGIL: They won’t disappoint you. They’re the deadliest, cleanest professional killers out there. And just for five hundred bucks a day.

    Finally the corridor stops, in front of a metal door, like the one of a bank safe. VIRGIL dials a code-number on the display next to the door.

    The metal door slowly opens, revealing a big room, illuminated only by artificial lights. The inside is totally different from the rest of the building. It’s very messy, and the walls are decorated with posters with characters from videogames, popstars and movie posters.
    Finally the door opens completely, revealing the four “professional killers” they’re just a bunch of kids: the youngest is a blonde girl, played by Elle Fanning, sucking on a lollipop looking innocent;. Then there’s a emo/goth girl (played by Kaya Scodelario) who’s looking at her iPhone bored, whilst also writing at some site on her laptop; a nerd boy, complete with a sleeveless shirt and glasses (played by Michael Cera) is playing with an xbox; and finally there’s a pretty blonde girl, painting her nails pink.
    They all look at the door opening.

    EMO GIRL (with a British accent): Is she a client? Does this mean we’ll finally get some action? Thank god, there’s a limit to the time you can play with Pet Society before being totally bored.

    END OF ACT I.
    Last edited by cliomiao; 12-05-09, 03:51 PM.
    What? You’ve taught a psycho killer demon how to be human by making him watch Sex and the City?

    1.02 Never been kissed OUT NOW/ 1.03 Damned by the bell COMING SOON

    Comment


    • #3
      ACT II

      INT. “PROFESSIONAL KILLERS”’ ROOM

      MELISSA: These are the unfailable mercenaries? They’re not even old enough to drink!

      VIRGIL: They will surprise you, I can assure you that.

      MELISSA looks at the little blonde girl.

      MELISSA: Oh c’mon, she’s sucking a lollipop, for god’s sake.

      The little blonde girl smiles, then takes the lollipop out of her mouth and throws it at MELISSA at high speed. The lollipop’s stick misses her for inches and hits the wall, perforating it and getting stuck on it.

      MELISSA sighs, relieved.

      MELISSA: You could have killed me with that!

      The girl just smiles and get the lollipop back, and starts licking it again.

      GIRL: I’m Liliana of the Mithrails Assassins. I wouldn’t have hit you… Unless I wanted to.

      VIRGIL: So, are you convinced now?

      MELISSA: She might be a Mithrail Assassin, but she’s still, what? Eight years old?

      VIRGIL: That only makes her more unsuspectable. So, who’s the target?

      MELISSA: Matilda Melphis. She lives in Levitown. I have a picture if…

      VIRGIL: There’s no need for that. (He nods to the nerd) Frankie, show the lady what you can do.

      The nerd, Frankie, concentrates, and on his eyes passes thousands of images of websites, data and pictures, until he found what he is looking for.

      FRANKIE: Matilda Melphis, born the 13th of March 1992. She lives on 123, Elm Street. She attends Levitown Public High School. All As, except for one B in gym class.

      MELISSA: How did he…?

      VIRGIL: Frankie’s a Netpath. His mind is always connected to the internet, and he can find anything that’s in there, no matter how protected it is.

      EMO GIRL (To FRANKIE): You’re such a Nerd. Loser.

      VIRGIL: This lovely young lady is Sophie.

      SOPHIE stands up, smiles and puts her hand towards MELISSA. MELISSA is about to grab it to shake it, but VIRGIL stops her.

      VIRGIL: Do not touch her. Sophie’s a Reaper. She kills everything she touches. She’s also known as the Black Widow, as her favourite way to kill someone is to kiss him.

      SOPHIE: You always spoil all the fun, Virgil.

      She touches a flower, and this immediately perishes.

      BLONDE GIRL: Hey! That was my rose!

      MELISSA: And what’s your superpower, Blondie? Dark roots?

      The BLONDE GIRL vamps out, revealing her fangs.

      BLONDE GIRL: Not exactly. And my name is Zoe, by the way.

      MELISSA (To Virgil): Okay, I am slightly impressed. So, can we have this done by tomorrow night? My boss is not known for being patient.

      LILIANA: Can I kill the target this time?

      SOPHIE: I want to kill her.

      LILIANA: But you always kill everyone and never leave any for us! Please, can I just kill the target this time?

      LILIANA bats her long eyelashes, giving SOPHIE puppy-eyes.

      SOPHIE: Okay, I can’t resist you when you’re so sweet, Lilly… I’ll just kill the boys. There are boys, right?

      ZOE: Just leave one to me. I’m hungry.

      FRANKIE: What about me?

      SOPHIE: Shut up, loser.

      CUT TO- INT. MALL

      KIM, NATHAN, MATT and DONNIE are walking while looking at shops and talking. Suddenly, KIM sees a pretty girl (played by Kaley Cuoco), surrounded by her giggling friends.

      KIM: Whoo-hoo. Bitch alert at six o’clock.

      MATT: Oh no. Not her. It’s been a bad day already with Scott, I can’t handle Symphony right now.

      The girl, SYMPHONY, sees them and just stares at them coldly. Then she sees DONNIE and starts smiling. She clearly likes him. So she approaches the quartet, leaving her friends behind.

      SYMPHONY: Mattie! Annoying asian sidekick! How are you doing?

      MATT: We were good… until we saw you, that is.

      SYMPHONY: Still angry about the Scott incident? It was just fun.

      MATT: You know what’s fun? Me punching you in the nose.

      SYMPHONY: Stop being so hateful all the times, it gives you wrinkles. Anyway, who’s your friend?

      MATT: Who, Nathan? I thought you knew him. Quite intimately, actually.

      SYMPHONY (to NATHAN): Yes, I remember. You never called me back.

      KIM: You slept with her as well?

      NATHAN: Oh, won’t you look at the time, it’s getting late. Bye!

      He practically runs away.

      SYMPHONY: I was talking about your other friend, actually.

      DONNIE: Oh, I’m Donnie Barkes! I’m an ordinary guy! Nothing strange or supernatural about me. I am human and I emit orgasmic sounds when I see a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s.

      SYMPHONY: What? It doesn’t matter. You’re good-looking enough to talk crap.

      DONNIE (proudly): I’m a manly man. I stare at girls’ asses.

      SYMPHONY: And what do you think about mine?

      DONNIE whistles. SYMPHONY smiles pleased.

      SYMPHONY: We really should get to know each other better. I’m throwing a pool-party at my house, tomorrow night. You should come. I invited all the cool guys from our school.

      KIM: Really? How weird, me and Matt didn’t get the invites.

      SYMPHONY (with a fake smile): Oh, how strange. I was sure I sent them to you. I must have got the addresses wrong.

      KIM (with an even faker smile): Don’t worry. We’ll come with Donnie.

      SYMPHONY (unconvincing): Oh, wonderful, we’ll have so much fun together. (She winks at DONNIE) See you tonight, big boy.

      She gets back to her friends, and they all giggle away.

      KIM: Wow, Donnie, Symphony the Slut liked you! You’re officially a man.

      MATT: Kim, why did you get us invited to that party? We hate Symphony.

      KIM: Yes, we hate her. But we don’t hate the players of the football team. Especially not the players from the football team in their swimsuits.

      MATT: So we really are going?

      KIM: Yes. And about that, we should buy a swimsuit for Donnie as well.

      MATT: You think Donnie’s ready to go to a party surrounded by human teenagers?

      KIM: So? You’ve heard Symphony. He’s hot. Nobody will notice he doesn’t know what he’s saying most of the time.

      CUT TO- INT. SHOP

      LILAH is still spying the teenagers, looking bored. She’s talking on the phone, with MELISSA.

      LILAH: Can you be quick? I mean, I’m bored out of my mind. I used to work for Wolfram and Hart, now I feel like I’m baby-sitting. Maybe this is hell. Just bring the killers as soon as you can, I can’t stand being around kids anymore.

      CUT TO- INT. LIMO
      MELISSA is on the limo, speaking with LILAH. She looks at ZOE, SOPHIE, FRANKIE and LILLY.

      MELISSA: You’re the one feeling like a baby-sitter? Just wait until you see the killers.

      SOPHIE and ZOE are fighting.

      SOPHIE: That is my bracelet! Who said you could wear my bracelet?

      ZOE: It looks better on me anyway.

      SOPHIE: Bitch!

      ZOE: What are you going to do? Touch me and kill me? Oops, you can’t, I’m already dead.

      SOPHIE: I could stake you.

      ZOE: I’d like to see you try.

      SOPHIE: I could stake you in a sec… Hey, are those my earrings?

      MELISSA turns to VIRGIL, who’s sitting next to her.

      MELISSA: Are they always like this?

      VIRGIL: Every single day.

      CUT TO- INT. MATT’S LIVING ROOM

      KIM, MATT and DONNIE walk through the door, carrying an incredible amount of bags. MATT and DONNIE look exhausted, KIM instead just looks satisfied.

      KIM (looking at a pair of shoes): Oh, my lovely babies.

      DONNIE: The mall is scary.

      MATT: Yes it is, when you go there with Kim.

      KIM is looking at a dress she bought.

      KIM: Hey, I think this one is a size to big, can’t you magically shrink it or something?

      MATT: Do you think I’m your personal witch or something?

      KIM: Pretty please?

      MATT: Okay, fine, give it here.

      KIM passes her the dress, and she mutters something. We hear a fizzling sound, but nothing happens.

      KIM: What’s going on?

      MATT: Oh… I… I guess I’m too tired or something. I’m not good at magic when I’m exhausted.

      KIM: Okay, you’ll do it some other time then. It’s late now, I have to go home.

      MATT: I’ll walk you home. I feel like having a walk. (To DONNIE) You can just stay here and watch TV, you look tired. If my parents get home just tell them you’re… I don’t know, an exchanged student or something, I think I said something like that to my mom. But I don’t think they’ll bother anyway.

      CUT TO- INT. LIVING ROOM, LATER

      DONNIE is watching TV, when a very elegant yet distracted looking woman (played by Teri Hatcher) walks in the room.

      WOMAN: Matilda, honey, what have you done to your hair?

      DONNIE turns around and the WOMAN notices it’s not MATT.

      WOMAN: Oh. You’re not Matilda.

      DONNIE: She’s walking Kim home.

      WOMAN: And you are?

      DONNIE: I’m Donnie. I’m Matt’s friend. Very normal friend.

      WOMAN: Oh, the exchanged student, right? Matilda told me you were staying here. I’m her mother, Monique. Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Bonnie…

      DONNIE: Donnie.

      MONIQUE: Yeah, Dannie. Anyway, I have an important dinner now, tell Matilda that tomorrow Carmen is visiting her grand-parents, so she’ll have to wash the dishes herself…

      DONNIE: I will.

      MONIQUE: Okay. I guess I’ll see you later, or tomorrow, Fonzie.

      DONNIE: Donnie.

      MONIQUE: Bye!

      She leaves, and DONNIE gets back to watching television.

      CUT TO- EXT. DARK ALLEY

      It’s the same alley from Episode 1, the one that led to THE OBSCURE’S shrine. MATT is in the alley, now alone. She’s about to enter the same wooden door from last time, when someone’s stops her by putting a hand on her shoulder. MATT turns around, scared, and sees who it is: the British man with glasses.

      MAN: You shouldn’t go in there. The Obscure… It’s dangerous.

      MATT: Says the creepy man.

      MAN: Sorry. I guess I should introduce myself. My name is George Murray. I’m a watcher.

      MATT raises an eyebrow.

      MATT: Is that like a stalker?

      MURRAY: I look over slayers.

      MATT: The music group?

      MURRAY: No, slayers, you know… Young girls---

      MATT: Oh you’re a pimp. Thanks, I’m flattered by your offer, but I’m not interested in becoming a prositutte.

      MURRAY: ---who fight vampires. You really have no idea what I’m talking about?

      MATT: Vampires? Uh, can I “fight” Robert Pattinson? He’s hot.

      MURRAY: I thought you knew everything about the supernatural world. I mean, you’re one of the Obscure’s clients, so you must know about magic.

      MATT: Yes, but I’ve never heard about slayers or watchers or vampires, I’m sorry.

      MURRAY: But you… You’re important. There are prophecies about you. You’re going to save the world. Destroy all evil of this dimension.

      MATT: Is that before or after Donnie kills me?

      MURRAY: I’m sorry, what?

      MATT: I’ve had enough of people telling me what my future is. Bye, mister Murray.

      MURRAY: Please, listen to me. The Obscure isn’t good. The powers it’s giving you… They’ll corrupt you. You already have enough magic inside yourself, you just don’t know how to use it. The Obscure corrupts this power, makes you have easier access to it, but also makes it dark and dangerous.

      MATT rolls her eyes.

      MATT: I know the Obscure isn’t good. But I need power, I need it now, and The Obscure can give it to me. Bye, mister Murray.

      MURRAY: You don’t have to, Matilda, I can help---

      MATT enters the wooden door. MURRAY sighs, then takes his cellphone and calls someone.

      MURRAY: Hello? Giles? This is going to be more complicated than we thought it would be.

      CUT TO- THE OBSCURE’S SHRINE

      MATT walks into the room. The old hooded lady, the obscure, is sitting on a rocking chair.

      THE OBSCURE: Matilda, my dear… Back already?

      MATT: I had an unexpected encounter last week. Used a lot of power.

      THE OBSCURE: No worries, no worries, my dear. We always more power for you. You always have more power for us.

      MATT: So? Can we do this fast? I have a friend waiting for me back home.

      THE OBSCURE: Of course, my dear. It will take a moment.

      There’s a flash, and the OBSCURE isn’t on the chair anymore, but it’s in front of MATT, holding the girl’s head in its hands. MATT eyes become black as she is filled with power.

      END OF ACT II.
      What? You’ve taught a psycho killer demon how to be human by making him watch Sex and the City?

      1.02 Never been kissed OUT NOW/ 1.03 Damned by the bell COMING SOON

      Comment


      • #4
        ACT III

        INT. MATT’S LIVING ROOM


        MATT walks in. DONNIE is still watching television.

        MATT: Right where I left you. What are you watching?

        DONNIE: The Hills. It’s catchy. I don’t like it but I just can’t stop watching it.

        MATT: I hate that crap. Can I put on some music?

        DONNIE: Yes. I know music. The Spice Girls.

        MATT: The Spice Girls?

        DONNIE: I listened to your cds. Kim showed me how to use a stereo the other day.

        MATT check a pile of cds; there are Spice Girls, Aqua and Backstreet Boys.

        MATT: Those are my albums from when I was like five. I thought I burned them.

        DONNIE: If you wannabe my lover…
        MATT: Okay, let’s watch some tv.

        She sits next to Donnie and starts flipping through the channels.

        DONNIE: Your mom passed by earlier.

        MATT doesn’t reply.

        DONNIE: You and mother are strange. In Gilmore Girls Rory and Lorelai talk about everything.

        MATT: Well, that’s tv. It’s fiction.

        DONNIE: But all mothers and daughters in tv have some kind of relation ship. What’s wrong with you?

        MATT doesn’t reply, just bites her lower lip. Her eyes have become teary.

        DONNIE: I’m sorry, I made you uncomfortable.

        MATT: It’s not your fault.

        DONNIE smiles.

        DONNIE: But I know how to make you feel good!

        He turns to MATT, leans in and almost kisses her. At the last moment, though, MATT pushes him away.

        MATT: What are you doing?

        DONNIE: Nathan told me that males and females kiss to feel good.

        MATT: Yes, but… You can’t to do it with just any girl. You have to do it with someone you like.

        DONNIE: Well, I like you.

        MATT: I meant… Physically.

        DONNIE: I found you very attractive. Sometimes I have erections thinking about your body.

        MATT blushes and bulges her eyes.

        MATT: That’s… Oversharing.

        DONNIE: Don’t you find me attractive?

        MATT: It’s not that… I think you’re a very good looking guy, it’s just… It’s complicated.

        DONNIE: Everything is complicated. Being human is complicated.

        MATT: I couldn’t agree more.
        They remain in silence, watching television.

        CUT TO- INT. LIVING ROOM, THE MORNING AFTER

        DONNIE and MATT have both fallen asleep on the couch. Suddenly Kim rushes in.

        KIM: RISE AND SHINE!

        DONNIE and MATT open their eyes, annoyed.

        MATT: What the hell?

        KIM: It’s late. We have to get ready for the party.

        MATT looks at the clock.

        MATT: It’s half past nine in the morning.

        KIM: Yeah, but I drank coffee this morning. You know that makes me hyper-active. I have to do something.

        KIM is walking up and down the room, never stopping, and touching everything surrounding her.

        MATT: Why don’t you go upstairs and have fun putting make up on?

        KIM (excited): Yay! Make up! Hey, why were you two sleeping on the couch together?

        MATT: Oh, we fell asleep watching tel—

        KIM (looking at the window, not paying attention to Matt): Oh, look, birds! So cute!

        DONNIE: Is she okay?

        MATT: Caffeine and Kim are two things you never want to mix.

        KIM starts dancing and singing by herself.

        KIM: Please don’t stop the, please don’t stop the music… Mamase mamasa mamakusa!

        MATT: Oh, not Rihanna. This is gonna get ugly.

        CUT TO- OUTSIDE MATT’S HOUSE

        SOPHIE is spying on MATT, DONNIE and KIMMIE through a binocular, from the limo.

        SOPHIE: Those are our targets? Two sleeping beauties and the asian Paris Hilton?

        MELISSA: They’re more powerful than you think. And there’s no need to hurt Matt’s friend.

        SOPHIE: Of course not, but it could be fun.

        MELISSA: And the boy is Abaddon.

        VIRGIL (amazed): That Abaddon?

        SOPHIE: Who?

        ZOE: So, when are we killing them?

        MELISSA: I guess tonight if you’re up to it.

        FRANKIE: They’re going to a pool-party tonight. It’s the perfect occasion.

        MELISSA: How do you know their plans?

        FRANKIE: I logged into facebook and looked at the events they were attending.

        SOPHIE: You’re never going to get laid.

        END OF ACT III
        What? You’ve taught a psycho killer demon how to be human by making him watch Sex and the City?

        1.02 Never been kissed OUT NOW/ 1.03 Damned by the bell COMING SOON

        Comment


        • #5
          ACT IV

          EXT. SYMPHONY’S HOUSE


          We can hear loud music coming from the garden. In front of the gate there’s a big, gigantic bouncer standing in a dark suite and sun glasses. MATT, KIM and DONNIE, all dressed smartly and brushed up.

          BOUNCER: Name, please.

          KIM: Kim, Matt and Donnie. Maybe you know me, I had a walk on role on Ugly Betty once.

          BOUNCER (to DONNIE): You can come in. (DONNIE walks in smiling. KIM and MATT are about to follow him but the BOUNCER stops them). Sorry. You’re not on the list.

          KIM: What? That bitch, she tricked us!

          MATT: Tricked by Symphony. This is a whole new dimension of lameness.

          KIM: So what do we do now?

          MATT: We go home?

          KIM: No way.

          DONNIE: If you can’t come in, we should all go away then.

          KIM: No! There’s no way I’m not going to a pool party. Donnie, you go mingle, we’ll find a way in.

          DONNIE: I go what?

          KIM: Mingle. You know, socialize.

          DONNIE: How do I do that?

          KIM: Just take off your shirt, your abs will do the rest.

          DONNIE do as she says and disappears in Symphony’s huge garden.

          MATT (whispering to KIM, angry): You just sent a thousand years old demon into a pool party, all alone.

          KIM: So? The cat thingy said he’s good.

          MATT: It’s not him I’m worried about. I’m worried about the others. Especially about one other.

          CUT TO- EXT. SYMPHONY’S POOL

          RIGHT ROUND by FLO RIDA is playing loudly. DONNIE is walking by the pool, looking amazed at all the teenagers swimming and playing. SYMPHONY, in her pink swimsuit, sees him and smiling he approaches him.

          SYMPHONY: Oh! So you did come! I was starting to get worried! And you finally got rid of the two hags.

          DONNIE: Hello. Why are you naked?

          SYMPHONY: I’m not naked, silly… (sensually) Not yet.

          DONNIE: Don’t worry, I don’t want you to get cold.

          SYMPHONY giggles.

          SYMPHONY: But you’re way too overdressed.

          DONNIE: But humans don’t walk around naked, so I was taught.

          SYMPHONY: God, where did you grow up, Kansas? Take off your shirt, hunk.

          DONNIE confused takes of his shirt.

          DONNIE: Ooookay.

          SYMPHONY smiles and caresses his abs.

          SYMPHONY: See? Nothing to be ashamed about. How about we go somewhere a bit more… Private?

          DONNIE shrugs his shoulders and follows her.

          CUT TO- EXT. SYMPHONY’S HOUSE

          KIM is still talking to the Bouncer trying to get in, whilst MATT has lost all hope and is sitting on the side-walk.

          KIM: Can’t we bribe you in any way? I have…

          She looks inside her bag.

          KIM: .. Five dollars, eighty cents and a mint chewing gum. Please let us in.

          MATT: God. Symphony is probably all over Donnie by now.

          KIM (to the Bouncer): Do you accept credit cards?

          BOUNCER: Will you please leave me alone?

          KIM: Not until you let us in.

          The BOUNCER sighs.

          BOUNCER: This is going to be one long night.

          NATHAN walks in.

          NATHAN: Kim. Matt. What are you doing out here?

          KIM: Apparently Symphony “accidentally” forgot to put us on the list. What about you? I thought Symphony hated you.

          NATHAN: Yeah, she does hate me. But unfortunately for her, we decided to spice things up with a cam the night we… got to know each other. So I blackmail her to get into parties every now and then.

          KIM: I wish I had a sex tape with Symphony.

          NATHAN and MATT looked at her puzzled.

          KIM: Ok, that sounded lesbian.

          MATT: Nathan, can you go in and check on Donnie? Kim had the bright idea of sending him in by himself.

          NATHAN: I have a better idea. Why don’t you come in yourselves?

          KIM: ‘Cause we just told you we can’t. God, you’re even more stupid than I thought.

          NATHAN: I’m sure Symphony doesn’t mind giving me a plus two, unless she wants Grandfather Robert to see what her favourite position is.

          He turns to the BOUNCER.

          NATHAN: I’m Nathan Caruso. And these are my friends. So please… Out of the way.
          The BOUNCER checks the list, than moves over.

          BOUNCER: You’re lucky, Mr Caruso. If you weren’t on the list I would have broken your teeth for being so rude.

          NATHAN just enters, followed by KIM and MATT.

          KIM (to the BOUNCER): And you can forget my mint chewing gum.

          The camera moves, showing a car parked not far. Inside of it, MURRAY is spying on MATT and friends from behind a newspaper. When he sees them going in he quickly grabs his cell phone and calls GILES.

          MURRAY: Giles? Hello. They got into the party. What do you mean, follow them? It’s a teen pool party, I don’t fit it. Oh, bollocks. Anyway, it’s just a party, it’s not like anything bad can happen there.

          In that moment, LILAH’s limo park in front of him, and SOPHIE, ZOE, FRANKIE and LILLY get down of it and walk to the BOUNCER.

          BOUNCER: Names, please.

          ZOE: We don’t names. We’re VIPs, we can get in everywhere.

          BOUNCER: Not yet, princess. You’re not on the list.

          SOPHIE walks in front of him and smiles.

          SOPHIE: But really, who looks at list anymore?

          She kisses him slightly on the lips, taking him by surprise. Immediately, his starts getting paler, and his lips lose all color, becoming of a grey-blueish colour, like he has died of cold. He’s dead. The body falls to the ground with a thump.

          ZOE: You just made out with a bouncer. Eew.

          SOPHIE: I like my boys hunky.

          They walk inside SYMPHONY’s garden.

          MURRAY has seen everything and immediately gets out of the car.

          MURRAY: Mr Giles? Yeah. I think we have a problem.

          He follows the mercenary killers inside Symphony’s garden.

          LILAH, MELISSA and VIRGIL see MURRAY hurrying up behind the killers.

          LILAH: And who’s that?

          MELISSA: Creepy stalker guy wearing a tweed who wants to spy on some teens at a pool party?
          VIRGIL: Murray…

          MELISSA: You know him?

          VIRGIL: Mr Murray. We’ve met in the past. He’s a watcher.

          LILAH smiles, lost in her memories.

          LILAH: Watchers have stamina.

          MELISSA stares at her grossed out.

          MELISSA: That’s something I really didn’t wanna know. (To VIRGIL) This Murray… Is he a danger?

          VIRGIL: He could be. I’ll go stop him.

          MELISSA: Ok, I’ll let you out.

          MELISSA is about to open the door, but VIRGIL smiles and stops her.

          VIRGIL: There’s no need to do that.

          He melts into a shadow and disappears.

          LILAH: Impressive.

          MELISSA: I’ve seen better.

          CUT TO- EXT. SYMPHONY’S POOL

          MATT is desperately looking for DONNIE, even stopping some other kids to ask them if they’ve seen them.

          KIM: Mattie, will you chill out? He’s probably just having fun.

          MATT: Thousands year old hell demon, remember? His idea of having fun probably is eating babies!

          Suddenly a BLONDE GIRL in her swimsuit, who we recognize as one of SYMPHONY’s friends from the mall, speaks to them.

          BLONDE GIRL: Did you say Donnie? You’re late. Looks like Symphony has stolen your boyfriend… again.

          She starts laughing. MATT pretends to be laughing as well, then pushes her in the pool.

          MATT: Not funny. (To KIM) We need to find him.

          KIM: They could have gone anywhere.

          NATHAN: Actually, I happen to know the place where Symphony where takes all her love conquers. The pool-house.

          He sighs, nostalgically.

          NATHAN: Good memories.

          KIM punches him on the shoulder.

          MATT: Okay, we have to go find him.

          KIM sees a hunky football player passing by shirtless and starts following him.

          KIM: Yeah, you go ahead, I’ll be right behind you.

          She disappears behind the football player.

          MATT: Nathan, can you come with me?

          NATHAN (looking through the crowd): I’d love to, but there’s a pretty girl who I’ve never seen before that’s waiting for me. See you later.

          He walks away.

          MATT: Wow. With friends like this, who needs enemies?

          The camera follows NATHAN walking through the crowd, until he finds the girl he was talking about. It’s SOPHIE, who’s looking around searching for MATT.

          NATHAN: Hey. You’re new around here, right? I don’t think I remember seeing you, and a pretty face like yours is hard to forget.

          SOPHIE (laughing): Does this line actually work on girls?

          NATHAN: Well… On really drunk ones, yes. I’m Nathan, by the way.

          SOPHIE: Sophie. And this are my friends, Zoe, Lilly and… Eew, Frankie.

          FRANKIE: Howdy.

          SOPHIE (to ZOE): Did he just say howdy?

          ZOE: I have to get away, his lameness could infect me.

          SOPHIE: Okay. You and Lilly go and look for our special friend…I’ll stay here and get entertained by.. Nathan, right?

          NATHAN: Yes. Entertain?

          SOPHIE winks flirtatiously.

          ZOE: Just go get entertained somewhere in private, okay? Last time you did it in public someone called the police.

          NATHAN, completely oblivious that they mean killing and thinking they’re talking about sex, smiles.

          NATHAN: Okay! Let’s go somewhere private!

          He walks towards SYMPHONY’s house, followed by SOPHIE.

          MR MURRAY, who has just walked in, sees them and follows them, wanting to warn NATHAN.
          FRANKIE is left all alone.

          FRANKIE: Hey! What about me?

          He notices a cute girl passing by.

          FRANKIE: Hiiii. Wanna see my record on Pinball Space Cadet?

          She leave, disgusted.

          CUT TO – EXT. POOLHOUSE

          The lights are on, but the curtain are closed. MATT tries to peek in, but she can’t see anything. She’s about to enter the pool-house from the door, when she see a guy she knows, drinking beer in his swimsuit while talking to some girl. It’s SCOTT.

          MATT: Scott? What are you doing here?

          SCOTT is very surprised and embarrassed of seeing her.

          SCOTT: Mattie? I… Nothing, I was just talking… And why are you here, I though you and Symphony hated each other!

          MATT: That still doesn’t explain why you’re here.

          SCOTT: It’s just a party.

          MATT is now very mad.

          MATT: It’s Symphony’s party! The same Symphony you cheated on me with!

          SCOTT: I… I haven’t seen her tonight. I’m sorry, Matt. Really.

          MATT: Is that all you can say? I’m sorry? I’m tired of hearing that. It’s over

          She’s about to leave, but SCOTT stops her.

          MATT: What now?

          SCOTT: One kiss. One kiss and then you can decide if it’s really over. You owe me at least that after all these years.

          MATT: I don’t owe you anything.

          SCOTT: One kiss.

          MATT stays silent for a second, thinking. Then pushes him away.

          MATT: A kiss is something to share with someone you trust, with someone you like. A kiss isn’t meant to be complicated. Goodbye.

          SCOTT: You’ll regret this one day.

          MATT: Maybe I will. Probably I won’t. Bye now.

          SCOTT leaves, angry.

          CUT TO- INT. POOLHOUSE

          DONNIE is sitting uncomfortably on the bed, while SYMPHONY is crawling next to him.

          SYMPHONY: So… What do you want to do, Donnie?

          DONNIE: Just… What normal boys usually want to do.

          SYMPHONY: You mean anal?

          DONNIE looks confused.

          DONNIE: Is this what they usually want?

          SYMPHONY: Yeah. Well, once I had a fetishist who wanted to lick my feet, if you’re into that stuff.

          DONNIE: Actually, could we just… You know… Kiss?

          SYMPHONY: Just kiss? Are you a catholic?

          DONNIE: You don’t want to?

          SYMPHONY: Of course I do, it’s just I wouldn’t stop at the kissing.

          DONNIE: You know, everyone thinks that kissing is so special, and amazing. Why don’t you?

          SYMPHONY doesn’t reply. She just shrugs.

          SYMPHONY: They’re just… A way to get to sex.

          DONNIE: They’re something you share with someone you like, physically or spiritually or mentally, or all of this. Now I get that.

          SYMPHONY: And you still want to kiss me? You… like me? I mean, not just physically, but spiritually and mentally and… all of this.

          DONNIE: Yes.

          SYMPHONY looks confused.

          SYMPHONY: But I’m just Symphony, the slut who’s done it with the all football team. Nobody really likes me.

          DONNIE: And I’m just Donnie, the weird hot catholic new guy from Kansas, apparently. And I like you.

          MUSIC: KISS ME- SIXPENCE NONE THE RICHER

          DONNIE moves closer to SYMPHONY on the bed. They’re looking in each other’s eyes. SYMPHONY’s slightly trembling as DONNIE’s arm brushes hers. She’s kissed many times before, but this is her first meaningful kiss.

          They close their eyes and they kiss. At first they lips slightly brush, then they start really making out.

          DONNIE (after finishing kissing her): Wow.

          SYMPHONY (amazed, touching her lips): I know. It was… Different.

          DONNIE: Can we do it again?

          SYMPHONY: Can we? We have to!

          They start kissing again. In that moment, MATT opens the door and walks in.

          CUT TO- INT. SYMPHONY’S BEDROOM

          SYMPHONY’s bedroom is enormous. It has a large, king sized heart-shaped bed in the middle of the room.

          SOPHIE: This looks comfie.

          SOPHIE lies on the bed. NATHAN is about to follow her, but SOPHIE stops him.

          SOPHIE: Not so fast, boy. Get undressed first.

          NATHAN obeys happily, and takes off his shirt. He’s taking off his pants, showing his boxer briefs, when suddenly MURRAY walks in, slamming the door.

          MURRAY: Stay away from the boy, Sophie!

          NATHAN: Oh my god, is this you father?

          MURRAY: Hey, I’m not that old!

          SOPHIE: I’ve never met him before.

          MURRAY: But I’ve read about you, Black Widow. I know what you can do.

          SOPHIE: Now that I think about it… You remind me of someone. George Murray, right?

          MURRAY frowns.

          MURRAY: How do you---

          SOPHIE: We’ve never met in person, but Virgil has told me a lot about you.

          MURRAY now looks scared.

          MURRAY: Virgil? Virgil is here?

          VIRGIL appears from a shadow.

          VIRGIL: I am indeed, George. What a coincidence, right?

          MURRAY: What are you doing here?

          VIRGIL: Just another assignment. Nothing personal, Georgey. What about you? I thought you had retired after what happened in London.

          NATHAN (who has dressed up while they were talking): Can I just leave the three of you chit-chatting and run away? I’m getting a bad feeling.

          SOPHIE: Stay.

          She touches a rose on SYMPHONY’s desk and this withers and dies.

          SOPHIE: Or I’ll have to do the same thing to you.

          She nods to the flower. NATHAN gulps and stays still.

          END OF ACT IV
          What? You’ve taught a psycho killer demon how to be human by making him watch Sex and the City?

          1.02 Never been kissed OUT NOW/ 1.03 Damned by the bell COMING SOON

          Comment


          • #6
            ACT V

            CUT TO- INT. POOLHOUSE


            MATT is staring at them, not believing her eyes.

            MATT: Wow. I never thought my life could become any worse. It just did.

            DONNIE stops kissing SYMPHONY and turns towards MATT.

            DONNIE: Matt. Hey. We were just…

            MATT: Making out. Yeah, I saw that.

            DONNIE: Is something wrong?

            MATT: No. Everything’s just… peachy. I’m just… You know… Leaving.

            She storms out of the poolhouse.
            DONNIE: I don’t get it. Why was she mad?

            SYMPHONY: She tends to get like that around me. Maybe I should stop making out with guys she likes.

            DONNIE: You think she likes me?

            SYMPHONY: Well duh. She’s got eyes. But now you’re mine, right?

            DONNIE: Oh god. Did I sell my soul or something? Or you mean you’re going to possess me?

            SYMPHONY: Excuse me? I just meant… We’re together, right? I don’t want to sound cheesy or move to fast, but you were so sweet.

            DONNIE: Oh! Like Carrie and Mr Big!

            SYMPHONY: Yeah, except we can skip the part where you cheat on me with every vagina in New York.

            DONNIE: I should go and talk to Matt now.

            SYMPHONY: I guess.

            CUT TO- EXT. POOLHOUSE

            MATT has just come out of the poolhouse, and she sees SCOTT. She runs to him and kisses him. Than slaps him.

            MATT: God!

            She goes away, looking angry and walking fast.

            SCOTT: Women.

            CUT TO- EXT. POOLSIDE

            KIM is drinking some punch while flirting with a boy, when she notices FRANKIE being pushed around by some built guys in a swimsuit.

            KIM: Hey, leave him alone! Just because he’s wearing an Hawaiian shirt doesn’t mean you can bully him! (To FRANKIE) But really, Hawaiian shirt?

            BUILT GUY: He was hitting on my girlfriend! He asked my girlfriend if she wanted to see his stick.

            FRANKIE: It isn’t a stick! It is the Staff of Regeneration! It’s my weapon in World of Warcraft!

            KIM: I don’t talk nerd.

            FRANKIE: It’s a videogame.

            KIM (to the BUIL GUY): See? He’s pathetic, but innocent. Go and pump your muscles with steroids and leave this poor guy alone.

            The BUILT GUYS leave.

            FRANKIE: Thank you.

            KIM: Want to thank me? Burn that shirt.

            In that moment MATT arrives.

            MATT: Kim! I did something terrible!

            KIM: Did you have vodka? You know you can’t stand it after Max’s party….

            MATT: No, I…

            She notices Frankie.

            MATT: Who’s this? And why is he staring at me?

            FRANKIE: Matilda Melphis?

            MATT: And how does he know my name?

            FRANKIE: I shouldn’t tell you this, but Kim over here was so nice to me so I have to warn you.

            MATT: Is he a retard?

            KIM shrugs.

            FRANKIE: Someone’s out to kill you.

            MATT: That’s all I’ve been hearing lately. So who is it? SHE? The sisterhood of Selene?

            Someone grabs her from behind. She turns around and it’s ZOE. She puts on her vamp face.

            ZOE: Actually, it’s me.

            LILLY appears on her side.

            LILLY: Hey! I was going to kill her! You take the asian sidekick!
            KIM: I hate it when they call me that.

            ZOE: I really wanted to do somewhere more quiet, but since Frankie had to go and ruin everything, we’ll just do it here.

            A DRUNK GUY passes by and sees ZOE.

            DRUNK GUY: Woah! Scary mask, dude.

            He leaves, as ZOE stares at him.

            ZOE: Scary? It’s not scary, it’s fascinating! Come back you stupid…

            She turns around, and MATT and KIM are running inside the house, followed by LILLY. Only FRANKIE is left there.

            FRANKIE: Sorry?

            ZOE: Virgil will deal with you later.

            She follows MATT, KIM and LILLY inside the house.

            CUT TO- SYMPHONY’S BEDROOOM

            SOPHIE: Should I kill both? They’re both sexy, I don’t mind kissing them.

            VIRGIL: Me and George go way back. You can kill the boy.

            SOPHIE blinks to MURRAY.

            SOPHIE: You’re lucky. Usually I can’t resist a compatriot’s accent. God save the queen.

            She turns to NATHAN.

            SOPHIE: Ready for the best kiss of your life?

            NATHAN: I’ve got herpes!

            SOPHIE rolls her eyes.

            SOPHIE: Then I’ll just touch your arm and kill you that way.

            NATHAN: Leper. I’m a leper.

            In that moment, MATT and KIM come running in.

            KIM: Let’s hide here and…

            She sees NATHAN and the others.

            KIM: A foursome? With these guys? Eeew.

            MATT: Hi, creepy british stalker guy!

            MURRAY: I’m a watcher!

            ZOE and LILLY come in.

            ZOE: You can’t escape… Oh, hi Virgil.

            LILLY: Let’s cut this bitch right open!

            VIRGIL: Lilly! Language!

            LILLY: You’re right, sorry… Ok, let’s kill this lovely young lady.

            VIRGIL: This room is a bit over-crowded.

            NATHAN: I could leave if you want to, I don’t mind.

            VIRGIL: Sophie, why is that boy still alive?

            MATT: Hey! Stay away from my seer!

            MURRAY: Don’t touch her, she’s a reaper!

            KIM: She cuts corn?

            MURRAY: The other kind of reaper. She touches you, you die.

            KIM: A little bit like Symphony. I’m quite sure she’s got clamidia.

            VIRGIL: You know what, kiddos? Kill them all. And leave George to me.

            NATHAN: I’m not down with this idea.

            SOPHIE: Smoochy time.

            MATT: Conteneo!

            SOPHIE suddenly freezes, unable to move anymore.

            SOPHIE: What the fu…

            VIRGIL: Language.

            NATHAN: Okay, you’ve paralysed the Reaper, now there’s just the blonde bimbo and the little kid to think about. It looks almost too easy.

            ZOE: Look again.

            She vamps out.

            MATT, KIM and NATHAN scream, open the door to run away and find DONNIE.

            DONNIE: Matt! I was looking for you! Did I do something wrong? Please, explain it to me.

            MATT: This is a very bad moment.

            ZOE: He looks tasty.

            DONNIE: Why are you in a room with a vampire? Were you kissing as well?

            MATT: What? No, she’s trying to kill me.

            DONNIE: You should have said it right away.

            He punches ZOE so hard that she flies across the room and hits the opposite wall, then falling to the ground.

            LILLY: Zoe is just a vampire. But I am Liliana, of the Mithrail assassins.

            KIM: Oooh, and that’s scary how?…

            LILLY literally tears off the skin of her own face, showing her face muscles an veins. Then she smirks.

            KIM: Oh, that’s how.

            DONNIE: Don’t worry, I’ll take care of…

            LILLY punches him in the stomach, making him spit blood and bend in two. Then she turns to MATT.

            LILLY: Ta ta for ever, bitch.

            She jumps on MATT, pushes her to the floor and starts strangling her. KIM desperate hits her on the back with her purse, trying to help her friend.

            KIM: I hate kids!

            ZOE gets back on her feet.

            ZOE: And I hate pink lipstick.

            KIM: How dare you! It’s nice with my complexion.

            MATT: Excuse me? I’m choking down here.

            LILLY: So… You want to be strangled to death or should I just break your neck?

            MATT can’t breathe anymore. Her face turns red. She’s about to lose conscience, when suddenly she starts… shining. A white light starts coming out intermittently from her skin.

            LILLY: What the ****? Sorry, Virgil.

            VIRGIL now looks scared.

            VIRGIL: Don’t be sorry, just run!

            LILLY: What? But she’s almost dead!

            VIRGIL: Run!

            LILLY: I have to end the job fir-

            Suddenly, a ray of light comes out of MATT’s body, hitting LILLY and setting her on fire. Literally.

            SOPHIE: Nooo!

            VIRGIL: Zoe, grab Sophie and let’s run! You’re the only one who can touch her

            LILLY, screaming, burns, until there’s nothing left of her but a pile of dust.

            VIRGIL, followed by ZOE with the paralysed SOPHIE under her arms.

            MATT, shocked, gets up.

            MATT: What just happened?

            MURRAY: There’s something you should know.

            CUT TO- EXT. SYMPHONY’S HOUSE

            The limo’s just outside the house. LILAH and MELISSA see VIRGIL, ZOE, SOPHIE and FRANKIE coming out of the gate running.

            LILAH: So? Did you kill her?

            VIRGIL: The deal’s off.

            MELISSA: What?!

            VIRGIL: One of mine is dead.

            MELISSA: That’s not a good reason to call it off.

            VIRGIL: I had agreed to kill a girl. But I don’t want to start an Armageddon or something. It doesn’t matter how much you’ll pay me… I won’t kill an angel.

            FADE TO BLACK

            END OF ACT V.
            What? You’ve taught a psycho killer demon how to be human by making him watch Sex and the City?

            1.02 Never been kissed OUT NOW/ 1.03 Damned by the bell COMING SOON

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            • #7
              ACT VI

              INT. MURRAY’S APARTMENT


              MURRAY leaves in a small yet comfortable apartment. MURRAY, KIM, NATHAN, DONNIE and MATT are all sitting around a table, still shocked for the events of that evenining.

              MATT: I’m a what?

              MURRAY: An angel. Tea anyone?

              MATT: Angel as in wings, sandals, flutes and harps?

              KIM: Oh, I hope not, sandals are like so seventies.

              MATT: Are you sure I’m an angel?

              MURRAY: Yes. You are the last incarnation of an angel on earth. There were four other, before. The four guardians. But our Donnie over here killed them. By the way, are you sure we can trust him?

              MATT: Bast said we could.

              MURRAY: You talked to Bast, the truth-speaker?

              MATT: Yeah.

              MURRAY: You’re more formidable than I had imagined.

              MATT: But what happened back there at Symphony’s? You know, with the glowing, the burning and the dying?

              MURRAY: You were in danger, so your angel powers kicked in.

              MATT: I was in danger last week too, but nothing like this happened.

              MURRAY: I must admit it’s weird. Your powers shouldn’t kick in. Not yet.

              MATT: So you don’t know? Isn’t it your job… To know stuff?

              MURRAY: I’ll read some books about it.

              MATT: There are books about it?

              MURRAY: Books, prophecies, I think there’s even a short movie from 1951. You’re more important than you think.

              CUT TO- INT. TAXI

              The taxi is driving fast in the night. ZOE, SOPHIE, FRANKIE and VIRGIL are sitting inside.

              SOPHIE: I still can’t believe Lilly’s dead.

              ZOE: Yeah. I’m taking her bedroom.

              FRANKIE: Can’t I take it? I’m still sleeping in the laundry room!

              ZOE: After what you’ve done tonight, you deserve much worse.

              VIRGIL: Yeah, Frankie, we really need to work on that. You have to stop feeling sorry for anyone who is kind to you.

              ZOE: And it wasn’t even Matt who helped you, it was her friend! You’re the lamest person ever.

              FRANKIE: I’ve got family issues.

              CUT TO- INT. MATT’ LIVING ROOM

              MATT and DONNIE have just walked in.

              MATT: It’s been a long night. We should go to bed.

              She’s about to go, but DONNIE stops her.

              DONNIE: Are you mad at me? Is it because I kissed Symphony?

              MATT: What? No. It’s not your fault.

              DONNIE: I’ll never be a normal person, will I?

              MATT: That’s what every normal person feels like. (Beat) I shouldn’t be the one talking. Apparently, I’m an angel.

              DONNIE: And I’m a scary demon who still hasn’t figured out how to lace his shoes properly.

              They both start laughing. Then MATT’s cell phone starts ringing.

              DONNIE (alarmed): What’s going on? Are they attacking us?

              MATT: It’s just my phone.

              She looks at the display. It’s SYMPHONY.

              MATT: It’s probably for you.

              She hands the cell phone to DONNIE.

              DONNIE: I.. Won’t answer if you don’t want me to.

              MATT stays silent for a second. The phone keeps ringing.

              MATT: No, you should.
              DONNIE: Thank you.

              He answers. The camera follows MATT as she walks up to her room. In the background we can hear DONNIE talking and laughing on the phone.

              SONG – THE KILLERS: HUMAN

              CUT TO- INT. MATT’S LIVING ROOM

              I did my best to notice
              When the call came down the line
              Up to the platform of surrender
              I was brought but I was kind

              DONNIE’s chatting with SYMPHONY on the phone, feeling for the first time like a normal guy. He looks at MATT, walking up the stairs, feeling guilty for no apparent reason. He realizes he still has a lot to learn.

              CUT TO- INT. MATT’S ROOM

              And sometimes I get nervous
              When I see an open door
              Close your eyes
              Clear your heart


              MATT enters the room and lays on the bed. She doesn’t know what to do. What’s going her with he life? A week ago she was just a normal girl. Now everyone’s trying to kill her, and apparently she’s not even human.

              CUT TO- INT. MURRAY’S HOUSE

              Are we human, or are we dancer?
              My sign is vital, my hands are cold


              Murray is looking at some books. In one there’s an image of an angel, Matt. On the other one, the image of Abaddon, holding the head of a warrior, roaring.

              CUT TO- INT. MATT’S LIVING ROOM

              The music stops. DONNIE is saying bye to SYMPHONY and hanging the phone. He looks at the moon. He suddenly has a flashback.

              FLASHBACK –IN A HELL DIMENSION

              ABADDON is covered in blood, in the middle of what looks like a rocky desert with rivers of blood and magma. There’s a war around him. Demons are killing humans, but he’s the one killing the most. There’s a woman, screaming, standing in front of her child, trying to save him. ABADDON rips her head off her neck, and throws it at the little kid.

              CUT TO- INT. MATT’S LIVING ROOM
              DONNIE is horrified by his past. The music starts again.

              And I’m on my knees, looking for the answer
              Are we human, or are we dancer?


              END OF THE EPISODE.

              Trivia:
              -Originally the episode was going to be called “The importance of being human” and was going to be a lot more Donnie-centric.
              -And I wasn’t going to make Symphony and Donnie kiss. I don’t know, when I wrote the scene it just felt right. But it did screw up all my plans for the future episodes.
              -And casting Symphony was also hard, ‘cause I always pictured Kaley Cuoco for the role, but she’s getting too old to play and high school girl. But you can just picture her at sixteen, that’s the great thing about fanfics.
              What? You’ve taught a psycho killer demon how to be human by making him watch Sex and the City?

              1.02 Never been kissed OUT NOW/ 1.03 Damned by the bell COMING SOON

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